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How to help adult son

Reggie

I have a 30 year-old son who I believe is autistic. Looking back he was probably showing some signs as a young child but as a teenager became very withdrawn and had difficulty socializing and making friends. As an adult he finds it difficult to talk to anyone, cannot make eye contact and cannot explain his feelings or seem to  understand the feelings of others. He is working but spends all the rest of his time in the computer. I have mentioned to him that I believe he is autistic to him and that we should get some advice and diagnosis to help him but he refuses.

Unfortunately his father died unexpectedly recently and this has put all our lives in disarray. I do not know how to move forward  as decisions have to be made which my son will not discuss or be drawn into.  

I would like advice on how to help my son and how to go about getting a diagnosis when he's not willing.

Thank you

  • Hi and welcome to the community. 

    Even if your son was diagnosed, as he works it's likely that there would be little help or support for him. Some people pursue the diagnosis for their own peace of mind, but if he is refusing maybe he's not bothered, or has a negative idea of what autism is.

    There is an online test that anyone can take which indicates whether one is likely to be autistic - maybe you could take it first and see what score you get, then discuss it with him and say you'd be really interested to see what his score is, although it's not recommended to push it if he doesn't want to do it. Here is a link:

    https://embrace-autism.com/autism-spectrum-quotient/

    It might be a good idea to wait until some time has passed after the recent bereavement to discuss the possibility of autism again though.

    When you do discuss it with him, it might be a good idea to also talk about the strengths and positive attributes of autistic people, so that he's not looking at it just as deficits:

    https://www.simplypsychology.org/autistic-strengths.html

    In the meantime, you could read more about what autism is and how it affects people, so that you have the knowledge of how to support him.

  • Dear Reggie,

    Welcome to the online community, it is really great to have you here. 

    To the best of my knowledge in the UK your son would need to consent to have a diagnostic assessment unless he had limited capacity. It could be worth explaining to your son why you feel he may be autistic, but if he does not want a diagnosis it could be harmful to try and push him. The NAS have an advice and guidance page on How to bring up that you think someone may be autistic that might help in how to start the conversation with your son

    I am very sorry to hear about your son's father it must be very hard for the family to process. It may be worth taking a look at Bereavement as it has some advice on how to manage this. 

    Best wishes,

    Olivia Mod