CauliCheese Introduction

He really likes academic research so has read up on the 'condition' but, as far as I'm aware, hasn't yet taken any steps toward 'self improvement'. I hesitate to use this term as he clearly sees it as a 'difference' that is as much for me to learn to deal with as it is for him to do anything about. I can't yet get clear in my mind what I think about that. On one hand, you wouldn't ask someone that's lost a limb and is in a wheelchair to deal with that on their own or expect them to be up-beat and unaffected by what they're going through, and you'd expect there to be an impact on others due to how that person is feeling as a result of what they're going through. On the other hand, I think with Aspergers he could make himself happier (not just me) by learning coping / avoidance strategies for the anxiety and anger he so often feels, regardless of what we look to learn and change as a couple, and I'm a bit surprised that he didn't do that after the diagnosis and that, now I've started learning more, I'm coming up with suggestions that he's not previously found out anything about.

I'm also struggling with what is & isn't due to Aspergers. I mean... many women moan about their man's unwillingness to help around the house or about other aspects of their relationship. I don't know what to put down to Aspergers and what not to. For example, does he leave a half loaf of bread that's going mouldy *beside* the food recycling bin for our cleaner to deal with on Friday because, logically, that makes best sense to him, or is he just being lazy and ignoring the fact that I have a lovely kitchen and don't want to look at a going-mouldy loaf of bread in it for almost a week! Does he scrape the bottom of the car by driving onto the drive too fast and then fail to apologise (I've asked him loads of times before not to do it and I told him to slow down before he drove on, but he still did it) because of Aspergers or because he doesn't give a stuff that I don't want my car scraped, even if hasn't (yet) damanged the car.

Lastly, I'm often thinking that he won't change, because he seems so adamant that this is a 'disability' and I think he thinks the world should accept him as he is, and he shouldn't have to change, so I'm not sure I see his motivation.

Sorry, that turned into a really long essay-type reply! I'm just finding it tough at the moment.

Best Regards.

He really likes academic research so has read up on the 'condition' but, as far as I'm aware, hasn't yet taken any steps toward 'self improvement'. I hesitate to use this term as he clearly sees it as a 'difference' that is as much for me to learn to deal with as it is for him to do anything about. I can't yet get clear in my mind what I think about that. On one hand, you wouldn't ask someone that's lost a limb and is in a wheelchair to deal with that on their own or expect them to be up-beat and unaffected by what they're going through, and you'd expect there to be an impact on others due to how that person is feeling as a result of what they're going through. On the other hand, I think with Aspergers he could make himself happier (not just me) by learning coping / avoidance strategies for the anxiety and anger he so often feels, regardless of what we look to learn and change as a couple, and I'm a bit surprised that he didn't do that after the diagnosis and that, now I've started learning more, I'm coming up with suggestions that he's not previously found out anything about.

I'm also struggling with what is & isn't due to Aspergers. I mean... many women moan about their man's unwillingness to help around the house or about other aspects of their relationship. I don't know what to put down to Aspergers and what not to. For example, does he leave a half loaf of bread that's going mouldy *beside* the food recycling bin for our cleaner to deal with on Friday because, logically, that makes best sense to him, or is he just being lazy and ignoring the fact that I have a lovely kitchen and don't want to look at a going-mouldy loaf of bread in it for almost a week! Does he scrape the bottom of the car by driving onto the drive too fast and then fail to apologise (I've asked him loads of times before not to do it and I told him to slow down before he drove on, but he still did it) because of Aspergers or because he doesn't give a stuff that I don't want my car scraped, even if hasn't (yet) damanged the car.

Lastly, I'm often thinking that he won't change, because he seems so adamant that this is a 'disability' and I think he thinks the world should accept him as he is, and he shouldn't have to change, so I'm not sure I see his motivation.

Sorry, that turned into a really long essay-type reply! I'm just finding it tough at the moment.

Best Regards.