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CauliCheese Introduction

CauliCheese

I'm married to a man with High Functioning Autism, relatively recently diagnosed, and we've been together for about 10 years.

I'm trying to read up more about the subject, recently started with 22 things a woman needs to know if she loves a man with Aspergers, which was useful and allowed us to have some quite productive conversations about the situation.

I still find it terribly difficult to deal with his outbursts and temper, and he can be very hurtful to me (only verbally, he is not physically abusive), e.g. saying that I've made a "stupid suggestion" or inferrring that something is my fault. Although I'm overall quite a strong person with a good career, I'm generally quite sensitive to critism in any situtaion, so this part is very hard for me. I hate it when anyone loses their temper or shouts.

So I'm going to read more on this website and maybe another book or two. Hopefully he will get some help soon, e.g. counselling or anger management, but although he says he hopes to get help when he starts a new course at University (mature student), I'm not particularly hopeful that this will be relationship type help, rather than help he needs for his studies.

Maybe see you around on the forums...

Best Regards,

CauliCheese

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  • Former Member
    Former Member

    Hi,

    i was diagnosed at 56 after being married for nearly 30 years. The diagnosis has lead to us being able to understand each other better. We understand how we differ and are learning to do more "give and take".

    I read a book, "Living well on the spectrum" by Valerie Gaus. This has some useful stuff about how i think differently. It has strategies that can help someone work better with the NT world.

    to me, anger can arise out of frustration when someone does something that doesn't make sense to me. I then struggle to communicate why i don't agree and this goes rapidly downhill. I would then say something that offends, as i did not really get how someone would feel if i said they were silly etc. Communication is at the root of the ASD. understanding my limitations and working to improve my skills has been my approach since the diagnosis.

    the statistics of relationships surviving without a diagnosis are horrendous! You have made the first step to improving the odds of a successful and happy relationship.

    :-)

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  • Former Member
    Former Member

    Hi,

    i was diagnosed at 56 after being married for nearly 30 years. The diagnosis has lead to us being able to understand each other better. We understand how we differ and are learning to do more "give and take".

    I read a book, "Living well on the spectrum" by Valerie Gaus. This has some useful stuff about how i think differently. It has strategies that can help someone work better with the NT world.

    to me, anger can arise out of frustration when someone does something that doesn't make sense to me. I then struggle to communicate why i don't agree and this goes rapidly downhill. I would then say something that offends, as i did not really get how someone would feel if i said they were silly etc. Communication is at the root of the ASD. understanding my limitations and working to improve my skills has been my approach since the diagnosis.

    the statistics of relationships surviving without a diagnosis are horrendous! You have made the first step to improving the odds of a successful and happy relationship.

    :-)

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