• Replies 6 replies
  • Subscribers 75 subscribers
  • Views 221 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

New to the community

Jseymour

Hi all

I was talking with a friend of a friend who is a doctor and they uses to have a functional medicine practice and specialised in ME. She said that most of the ME women she saw were actually autistic and exhausted from masking. And I said 'but not me.. I just have ME' right? And she said 'no darling, exactly like you'. 

That was last year, I was 35 and my whole life flipped upside down. After a few weeks I realised that yes that was actually what I was, not just weird, with hard sensory issues which often made me wondered if I had OCD. I wear my pyjama top in side out because I don't like feeling the seams when I'm trying to sleep, I have to make sure the bottom sheet is completely tight without wrinkles before I can get into it. I hate social occasions unless it's one on one with my few closest friends. I can't find new pyjamas even though mine have holes because I can't find any that feel right on my body. To name a few. It's a wonder it took so long to find out I was autistic.

I now know that I have been masking through a lot of my life, and really want to work out how to not, to try and prevent the exhaustion. I have often stopped myself getting to 'into' something because I'm worried I'll become so obsessed and not be able to stop. I have absolutely no idea what an unmasked version of myself looks like or even where to begin. Not to sound too dramatic but who actually am I? What do I enjoy? I want to live authentically but honestly don't know where to start. How do you stop masking when it's the only thing iv ever done and don't even know when I'm doing it? 

Any tips would be gratefully received. 

Parents

  • Welcome to the community   I hope you find lots of insight and comradeship here. Among us there is lots of individual lived experience to help you feel connected.

    To reassure you, what you described is not 'too dramatic' at all. It is a logical and fair response to many years of masking and the unsettling of identity that comes when you self-identify or get diagnosed. It's big and, for many of us, it comes with lots of emotions and takes a while to resolve. Self-compassion, patience and gentle exploration will help you.

    Masking is a survival response and it is likely that you will feel safer to unmask more in some contexts than others - it's not as simple as an on/off switch. But yes, masking less and leading a more authentic life burn less energy.

    I am 59 and was diagnosed as AuDHD last year. I was told I was very good at masking, which explains how I 'passed' for so long and why I kept burning out from the exhaustion of doing that.

    I have been asking similar questions to yours. The answers for me have sometimes been surprising, sometimes reassuring and always worth the effort of thinking about.

    Good luck with your self-exploration, and us folks here will be here for you.

Reply

  • Welcome to the community   I hope you find lots of insight and comradeship here. Among us there is lots of individual lived experience to help you feel connected.

    To reassure you, what you described is not 'too dramatic' at all. It is a logical and fair response to many years of masking and the unsettling of identity that comes when you self-identify or get diagnosed. It's big and, for many of us, it comes with lots of emotions and takes a while to resolve. Self-compassion, patience and gentle exploration will help you.

    Masking is a survival response and it is likely that you will feel safer to unmask more in some contexts than others - it's not as simple as an on/off switch. But yes, masking less and leading a more authentic life burn less energy.

    I am 59 and was diagnosed as AuDHD last year. I was told I was very good at masking, which explains how I 'passed' for so long and why I kept burning out from the exhaustion of doing that.

    I have been asking similar questions to yours. The answers for me have sometimes been surprising, sometimes reassuring and always worth the effort of thinking about.

    Good luck with your self-exploration, and us folks here will be here for you.

Children
No Data