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NAS88196

Hi, My name is Margaret, and I am a new member.

I was only diagnosed aged 59 during my degree, and it was a shock but a relief too, as I finally understood why I struggled so much.

I have four beautiful daughters, and two sisters older than me who have since been diagnosed with Autism too. It hasn't been easy, but now at least I know why I can't make or keep friends, and why I am always a square peg in every round hole. 

I have spent most of my life caring for my youngest daughter, who has Crohn's, and running community projects in Sussex. When my daughter got really ill, we moved to London to be near her medical team, which I found really traumatic. I have been here 11 years now and still feel totally lost. I hardly ever go out and get lost when I do, and I find the noise and traffic so hard to deal with.

It has taken a long time to get used to being diagnosed, and my doctor refused to accept it because it was done at the university. I have never had any support or help of any kind, so I have just been adapting to this new understanding by myself.

Now I am ok with it, but having retired last year, I am finding it hard to figure out how to live such an aimless life. I have always been either caring or running busy projects, but my daughter is now in University herself in Scotland, and I am starting my life again. So new understanding. New city, really, new lifestyle and truthfully its all a bit much. I stay indoors day after day and watch TV, but I don't want this to be the rest of my life.

Is there anyone else on here who has had such a huge change and has adapted to it? I would welcome advice. My other children no longer visit as they have taken the diagnosis very hard, fearing I have passed it on to them and their children. 

I used to be really ambitious and planned to be a solicitor, but now I just watch TV. I am doing some courses online to help myself get back to life, but I find living in a city a nightmare after coming from a small seaside town. 

I am a bit excited about the possibilities of the future without caring or small children, but daunted at the big-ness of it all. Would love to hear from others who have been late diagnosed, or had to face big challenges in life, and have made it through. Thank you

Parents

  • Hi Margaret 

    Thank you for sharing yourself so openly. I’m sorry to hear that your children no longer visit you, that must hurt so much.

    Lots of parts of your story resonate with me. I am late diagnosed with Audhd and only found out because my therapist suggested ADHD as a possibility. I started therapy a couple of years ago partly because my son had left home and I felt like I didn’t have a role in life anymore, amongst other things.

    I think my challenges are realising my close relationships mum/husband have been pretty toxic and one sided. I have very little contact with my mum now and while my husband and I live in the same house we are officially separated. I haven’t had any really strong friendships throughout my life and I still struggle in this area. I feel very lonely at times. 

    Being in nature has really helped me. I live very close to woodland  and open spaces and I try to get out there when I can. I have also joined a autistic group where we meet monthly for walks and other  activities.

    Are there any opportunities to do some kind of volunteer work, something that you are interested in? I have just started helping out at Riding for the Disabled, being around the horses really helps regulate me and gives me a bit of purpose.

    NAS88196 said:
    am a bit excited about the possibilities of the future without caring or small children, but daunted at the big-ness of it all. Would love to hear from others who have been late diagnosed, or had to face big challenges in life, and have made it through

    This bit was so good to read and it made me think that there are lots of opportunities out there and to maybe feel excited too.

    Sending warm wishes your way.

    Blush

Reply

  • Hi Margaret 

    Thank you for sharing yourself so openly. I’m sorry to hear that your children no longer visit you, that must hurt so much.

    Lots of parts of your story resonate with me. I am late diagnosed with Audhd and only found out because my therapist suggested ADHD as a possibility. I started therapy a couple of years ago partly because my son had left home and I felt like I didn’t have a role in life anymore, amongst other things.

    I think my challenges are realising my close relationships mum/husband have been pretty toxic and one sided. I have very little contact with my mum now and while my husband and I live in the same house we are officially separated. I haven’t had any really strong friendships throughout my life and I still struggle in this area. I feel very lonely at times. 

    Being in nature has really helped me. I live very close to woodland  and open spaces and I try to get out there when I can. I have also joined a autistic group where we meet monthly for walks and other  activities.

    Are there any opportunities to do some kind of volunteer work, something that you are interested in? I have just started helping out at Riding for the Disabled, being around the horses really helps regulate me and gives me a bit of purpose.

    NAS88196 said:
    am a bit excited about the possibilities of the future without caring or small children, but daunted at the big-ness of it all. Would love to hear from others who have been late diagnosed, or had to face big challenges in life, and have made it through

    This bit was so good to read and it made me think that there are lots of opportunities out there and to maybe feel excited too.

    Sending warm wishes your way.

    Blush

Children
  • in reply to Lonehare12

    Dear Lonehare12

    so sorry I couldn’t figure out how to answer until nowBlush

    Thank you for your kind message. It’s good to know I am not the only one feeling this. 

    Day by day I am learning about how others see me, and why they stay away. Something instinctively tells them I don’t understand the rules. 

    So little by little things get better

    Warmest wishesSlight smile