Newly diagnosed 29 y/o woman, struggling to accept

I could have written the exact same post! I was self-diagnosed for a while, have done years of my own research, known it deep down probably my whole life, and finally got my diagnosis about a month ago. I'm still wrapping my head around it, even though I suspected it for so long, having the 'official' label feels odd. I keep going in-between 'my whole life now makes sense' and 'what if they misdiagnosed me'. Going over what I said during the assessment, what if they misunderstood what I meant, what if I misunderstood the questions, etc. I was also diagnosed with ADHD which doesn't help and adds another layer of identity confusion lol. I'm constantly analysing myself now and thinking, is this my Autism? Or ADHD? Or just a weird quirk I have? At the end of the day it probably doesn't matter, yet it feels so significant to me to understand better how it shows up in my day-to-day to make that connection with the diagnosis and accept it as a part of me. But also trying to remind myself that I am still me and a diagnosis does not change that!

I'm also often thinking about how differently my life could have gone if I was diagnosed earlier - almost like grieving a life I didn't get to live. I'm trying to be kinder to myself and allowing those feelings while acknowledging how difficult many things have been in my life, but also trying to reframe it as things that I have achieved in life despite not being understood. I found journalling really helpful to get those thoughts out of my system to avoid spiralling, and validating my own feelings. Also taking one step at a time and not expecting too much - being compassionate to myself because this is a big life event and it's ok to feel lots of conflicting feelings. Easier said than done though!! 

I also haven't told lots of people about my diagnosis yet. However my immediate circle knows and I have communicated with them that I am finding it difficult to wrap my head around the diagnosis which has helped in terms of managing expectations and needing a bit more time to myself these last few weeks. Also sharing bits of my thought process with them when I felt ready and hearing their perspective and reassurance. Also reading!!!!! I've read so much from others, especially the perspectives of women diagnosed as adults/later in life, and it was SO validating. Sometimes knowing that you're not alone in how you feel can already lift some of the burden. 

Hope this ramble makes sense! And that you're coping okay. It can be so difficult but I am a strong believer that everything in life will pass, and so will difficult feelings and emotions. 

I could have written the exact same post! I was self-diagnosed for a while, have done years of my own research, known it deep down probably my whole life, and finally got my diagnosis about a month ago. I'm still wrapping my head around it, even though I suspected it for so long, having the 'official' label feels odd. I keep going in-between 'my whole life now makes sense' and 'what if they misdiagnosed me'. Going over what I said during the assessment, what if they misunderstood what I meant, what if I misunderstood the questions, etc. I was also diagnosed with ADHD which doesn't help and adds another layer of identity confusion lol. I'm constantly analysing myself now and thinking, is this my Autism? Or ADHD? Or just a weird quirk I have? At the end of the day it probably doesn't matter, yet it feels so significant to me to understand better how it shows up in my day-to-day to make that connection with the diagnosis and accept it as a part of me. But also trying to remind myself that I am still me and a diagnosis does not change that!

I'm also often thinking about how differently my life could have gone if I was diagnosed earlier - almost like grieving a life I didn't get to live. I'm trying to be kinder to myself and allowing those feelings while acknowledging how difficult many things have been in my life, but also trying to reframe it as things that I have achieved in life despite not being understood. I found journalling really helpful to get those thoughts out of my system to avoid spiralling, and validating my own feelings. Also taking one step at a time and not expecting too much - being compassionate to myself because this is a big life event and it's ok to feel lots of conflicting feelings. Easier said than done though!! 

I also haven't told lots of people about my diagnosis yet. However my immediate circle knows and I have communicated with them that I am finding it difficult to wrap my head around the diagnosis which has helped in terms of managing expectations and needing a bit more time to myself these last few weeks. Also sharing bits of my thought process with them when I felt ready and hearing their perspective and reassurance. Also reading!!!!! I've read so much from others, especially the perspectives of women diagnosed as adults/later in life, and it was SO validating. Sometimes knowing that you're not alone in how you feel can already lift some of the burden. 

Hope this ramble makes sense! And that you're coping okay. It can be so difficult but I am a strong believer that everything in life will pass, and so will difficult feelings and emotions.