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Newly diagnosed Daughter

akiladhanji

Hi everyone,

I just wanted to introduce myself. I'm a Mum of a recently diagnosed 13 year old girl. I've always known there was something different about her, and it took a long time for this diagnosis to come but I'm so glad it did!

I guess I'm just trying to get my head wrapped around what I need to do next to support her. The actual report is very detailed and I was given a lot (maybe too many?!) resources that I can access. My priority is to get things in place for emotional regulation and as puberty is right around the corner that's the other area I need to concentrate on. She masks at school so all her emotional meltdowns and issues are displayed at home, which I know is where she feels safest.

I know implementing changes and creating a routine are key and will take time, but sometimes (lately all the time!) I just feel so overwhelmed. I also know that most of her struggles at home are due to her autism, but it doesn't make it easier. I have a supportive husband, but he doesn't seem to understand and keeps telling me that I'm giving in to her all the time. At the moment, "giving in" to avoid conflict is the only thing I can do to keep my own sanity.

I'm glad to be part of this community as I know I'm not the only one who feels this. Any support or words of wisdom would be much appreciated. I am looking into local support groups and the school has been very helpful.

Thanks for listening.

Akila xx

Parents
  • akiladhanji said:
    I'm just trying to get my head wrapped around what I need to do next to support her. The actual report is very detailed and I was given a lot (maybe too many?!) resources that I can access.

    I would start by breaking the list of resources down into smaller chunks and build a long list of reading material to cover from these - give yourself a reasonable amount of time to work through these each day and start with the subjects that you can most easily identify as a problem for your daughter.

    Once you cover the subject then write up your own summary notes and if you have questions then ask on here - try to be specific and you will probably find out more than you expect.

    I would also speak to the school SENCO (Special Educational Needs CoOrdinator) to see what the school can do to help but be sure to include your daughter in this discussion as she may resent being singled out as being different. Find something that works for her as she may not want to disclose it to her classmates.

    It will take weeks or months to cover everything at a superficial level so pace it and be patient.

    A book your daughter may enjoy is:

    The Spectrum Girl's Survival Guide, How to Grow Up Awesome and Autistic - Siena Castellon (2020)
    ISBN 9781787751835

    akiladhanji said:
    I have a supportive husband, but he doesn't seem to understand and keeps telling me that I'm giving in to her all the time. At the moment, "giving in" to avoid conflict is the only thing I can do to keep my own sanity.

    Get him involved too. Make him responsible for setting boundaries and enforcing them and see how well this goes. Pass him the reading material around the issues that relate to the problem behaviour so he understands what he is getting involved with.

    You have a journey ahead of you but you are going about it the right way. We will be here to support and help if you want to ask.

    One parting thought - autism is almost always inherited so there is a high chance (around 85%) that one or both partents are also on the autism spectrum. It may be worth taking some of the free online tests to see if this is a probability as it can instruct you in getting help for this too.

Reply
  • akiladhanji said:
    I'm just trying to get my head wrapped around what I need to do next to support her. The actual report is very detailed and I was given a lot (maybe too many?!) resources that I can access.

    I would start by breaking the list of resources down into smaller chunks and build a long list of reading material to cover from these - give yourself a reasonable amount of time to work through these each day and start with the subjects that you can most easily identify as a problem for your daughter.

    Once you cover the subject then write up your own summary notes and if you have questions then ask on here - try to be specific and you will probably find out more than you expect.

    I would also speak to the school SENCO (Special Educational Needs CoOrdinator) to see what the school can do to help but be sure to include your daughter in this discussion as she may resent being singled out as being different. Find something that works for her as she may not want to disclose it to her classmates.

    It will take weeks or months to cover everything at a superficial level so pace it and be patient.

    A book your daughter may enjoy is:

    The Spectrum Girl's Survival Guide, How to Grow Up Awesome and Autistic - Siena Castellon (2020)
    ISBN 9781787751835

    akiladhanji said:
    I have a supportive husband, but he doesn't seem to understand and keeps telling me that I'm giving in to her all the time. At the moment, "giving in" to avoid conflict is the only thing I can do to keep my own sanity.

    Get him involved too. Make him responsible for setting boundaries and enforcing them and see how well this goes. Pass him the reading material around the issues that relate to the problem behaviour so he understands what he is getting involved with.

    You have a journey ahead of you but you are going about it the right way. We will be here to support and help if you want to ask.

    One parting thought - autism is almost always inherited so there is a high chance (around 85%) that one or both partents are also on the autism spectrum. It may be worth taking some of the free online tests to see if this is a probability as it can instruct you in getting help for this too.

Children
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