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I am introducing myself (though I nearly stopped because it might be too much personal information? But then I have no seld-control so here we go (hopefully according to community rules))

vertebrae

Hello everyone,

I have been diagnosen with ADHD in my late twenties after a lot of misdiagnosis - once it was borderline "but your social behaviour does not really fit" maybe some OCD... "or do you just overcompensate with making up rules for everything?" ... 

I feel so many diagnoses seem to get close, but yet nothing really seems to fit.

While getting familiar with the whole ADHD stuff, I heard and read of so many women who got diagnosed only as an adult and seem to have both ADHD and autism but got misdiagnosed a lot before - and to many things they share, I can relate.

People seem to think that I fit in, but for me it does not feel like that at all. 

But I dont know... my social behaviour is so different depending on the situation but I generally get in touch with people easily - which I dont even want - but I talk way to much. Always about something that I have a temporary "hyperfocus" with. After conversations even with close friends I am exhausted and I feel I am masking the whole time. And I feel like even I would be annoyed by myself if I would meet me. Like, I leave my Apartment to do laundry and really feel anxious to meet someone on the way, but as soon as I meet someone I have no idea how to talk to them without ending up sitting in their Apartment drinking coffee and sharing all Details of my current projects or whatever. 

Anyway after reading a few comments and posts here, I thought it maybe does not matter so much what we call it: kind of a lot of people seem to go through similar situations/problems/thoughts. I hope to get some new Ideas on how to approach some things in life differently and maybe from perspectives I never thought of before.

Currently I am on ill leave because of my latest big meltdowns at work (which is nearly a constantly building up yearly event).

So I have time to be super focussed on structuring my apartment more practical for cleaning and creating cleaning habits which are fun because I love a clean and sorted environment but I am terrible at maintaining one. It is somewhat difficult because I live with my partner and I notice that i am really not flexible in changing up rules, once I created them, so I might have a meltdown if I come home to a sponge or some paper trash in the wrong place.

When I am not buying more cleaning materials I will be taking care of my plants (currently I am trying to take care of orchids but they are sooooo slow).

I have two cats but they are only allowed in certain rooms (my partners decision).

Feel free to let me know which flowers or plants or cleaning equipment you are obsessed with, but it might happen that next week I suddenly feel like getting started with skydiving or macramee - you never know.

(I hope things will get more chill someday)

Parents

  • Good morning from America, vertebrae!

    I hope you can find someone on here with flowers as a hobby. I’m pretty sure there are some.

    vertebrae said:
    which is nearly a constantly building up yearly event

    Oooo so that makes me wonder if maybe you are dealing with seasonal affective disorder (SAD)? I get that every winter and summer where my depression gets worse and it makes it harder to cope with things like social events (Christmas is AWFUL for me) and work. It might be worthwhile to see if there is a seasonal pattern to your meltdowns, because if you can pinpoint it to happening every winter then you might be able to find ways to stop it before a major meltdown happens. I might be way off and it just be a consequence of work being difficult, but I feel like it’s worth looking into.

    Also you’re totally within community rules here. As long as you don’t give too personal of information like your real name, address, where exactly you work, or anything like that, you’re doing fine!

  • in reply to profdanger

    Thank you! Thats actually a good idea, but it is really hard to figure out I guess. Christmas is the worst time of the year for me due to family issues and trauma and stuff, so tension always starts builing up very quickly as soon as anyone is talking about their holiday Plans. New years also confronts me with so many difficulties. So maybe it is seasonal because of the social Events around that time like you say.

    I do have mood swings at all Times of the year though. But maybe there are some patterns to it. Problem is: I am way to inconsistent to manage mood tracking or something. But I have a big calender for 2026 in my apartment which is a constant reminder for all kinds of things. From now on I will try to mark very good and very bad phasen there, so at the end of the year I might get a better overview.

    May I ask, how do you prepare differently since you know about your SAD?

Reply
  • in reply to profdanger

    Thank you! Thats actually a good idea, but it is really hard to figure out I guess. Christmas is the worst time of the year for me due to family issues and trauma and stuff, so tension always starts builing up very quickly as soon as anyone is talking about their holiday Plans. New years also confronts me with so many difficulties. So maybe it is seasonal because of the social Events around that time like you say.

    I do have mood swings at all Times of the year though. But maybe there are some patterns to it. Problem is: I am way to inconsistent to manage mood tracking or something. But I have a big calender for 2026 in my apartment which is a constant reminder for all kinds of things. From now on I will try to mark very good and very bad phasen there, so at the end of the year I might get a better overview.

    May I ask, how do you prepare differently since you know about your SAD?

Children
  • in reply to vertebrae
    vertebrae said:
    Medication changes are a little scary

    No kidding lol. Yeah, that’s why I personally stay on the same amount year-round. I’ve noticed with the latest change I’ve had with medication (I think I started this current regiment about a year ago?) the SAD in general isn’t nearly as intense as it has been in the past.

    vertebrae said:
    I will mark all medication changes in the calender as well, so maybe at the end of the year patterns are clearer.

    Using a calendar to mark good/bad days and medication changes this year is a fantastic idea. It’s possible there isn’t a pattern, but if there is one then that’s the best way to find it. At the very least, noting your good/bad days and medication changes can illustrate whether the changes are affecting you in an overall positive or negative way, which is good to know.

    vertebrae said:
    I decided to stay home and alone and I have to say I never had such a relaxed Christmas before... 

    Excellent! Hey, sometimes alone time is absolutely necessary. I’m glad you were able to get through Christmas a little better this time around.

  • in reply to profdanger

    No need to be sorry this is amazing! I have an appointment at my GP soon, so i will make a Note for myself to bring this up during the appointment.

    I am waiting for a free spot in a clinic right now, there I will def discuss this as well.

    I already had a change in medication due to a major breakdown in december. So in addition to the antidepressants and my adhd medication which I have had already, I got another two kinds of medication. So I guess I am covered for now. Medication changes are a little scary, especially concerning antidepressants, but I guess if I get along well with what I am taking now, I know a better way through big desasters already.

    I will mark all medication changes in the calender as well, so maybe at the end of the year patterns are clearer.

    And concerning setting boundaries: I decided to stay home and alone and I have to say I never had such a relaxed Christmas before... Slight smile

  • in reply to vertebrae

    So since I’ve realized that winters and summers are harder for me I give myself a lot more grace. For example, I find it a lot more difficult to partake in my favorite hobbies (writing music or stories) during the height of those seasons. So instead of being hard on myself for not being productive, I forgive myself and allow myself to fill that time in with sleeping or video games. If it’s affecting my workflow, I might bring it up to my supervisor that I might be a little less productive until fall/spring, but still make it clear that I will try my hardest.

    If you do end up with a diagnosis of SAD, you could also work with your GP to make sure your medication is adjusted to the season. I don’t do that personally (I don’t think I’m officially diagnosed with SAD? If I am, I was diagnosed a long time ago… Lol, I guess I should check that), but I feel like that would be something that could help.

    When it comes to holidays, set boundaries. Make it clear that at some events you may need to take some time to yourself to recharge. Don’t be afraid to say no sometimes. Set a personal budget ahead of time for how much you are going to spend for certain family members if you are getting presents (that can ease the stress of what to get them later).

    Finally I believe more exercise could be a good thing to do. One reason SAD happens is because we’re more inclined to stay indoors when it’s too cold and hot. If you’re spending that time indoors lounging about like I usually do, then you’re more likely to get depressed. Exercise could help get your body and mind in gear even if you’re not getting fresh air often.

    Sorry for the info dump, but hopefully some of that is helpful!