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hello

Johngs

Hello. (I never know what to say after that, but I will try)

I was diagnosed after I was 60 and that was a few years ago now. Might have been prompted by one of my (three) children being diagnosed and by a training event at work about autism. 

I guess I'm here (this online community) because I'm quite isolated and I don't know any people who are autistic (apart from my children) except in ways that are very different from my own experience (I think this is more upbringing and parents than anything).

From the outside I appear lucky to have had a job working in a university, but for me this is a current problem - feeling I ended up retiring without having really achieved much (although not struggling to the extent that I was ever at risk of losing my job either). The feeling that I was (and am still) capable of much more that I actually did. This can be said about a lot of my life.

I think I have ADHD as well and although I am lucky to be able to pay for an assessment I am completely paralysed when trying to figure out how to go about getting a reliable assessment and what to do after that. So nothing has happened for years.

The combination of ADHD with being autistic is interesting in the context of creative academic work. It seems to me that being autistic relates to being creative and having novel ideas and spotting unexpected connections, while at the same time preventing participation in the social communities that exist in academia. Being autistic can be exciting on the ideas front, but ADHD means it is almost impossible to stay focussed and work things out in detail.

I also make art (my academic job was in a science / engineering faculty, in the maths / computing area, not art at all) and am doing a postgraduate qualification in art. Not because I want the qualification but maybe because I can only function in an institutional setting where there is some imposed structure. I think some autistic people only survive in the army or in prison for similar reasons. A university is a kind of prison anyway. [being autistic, attempts at humour sometimes strike the wrong note]

I don't object to being categorized as male, but I say agender when given the opportunity. Like a lot of life, gender is beyond me. But i do realize for many people it is a key aspect of their identity and I don't have any problem at all with that.

I live on my own, with an increasingly aged cat. 

  • Good morning from America Johngs!

    As a former professor of music composition, I really relate to what you have said as well. I especially resonate with:

    Johngs said:
    The combination of ADHD with being autistic is interesting in the context of creative academic work.

    My forte in music composition is remixing/arranging. I’m really successful at hearing music and understanding how to subtly change it to be different, yet just as good as the original. I also totally understand what you mean when you say:

    Johngs said:
    maybe because I can only function in an institutional setting where there is some imposed structure.

    My greatest burst of original music came while I was attending graduate school, but as soon as I left that it was like the well was completely empty for some reason. The imposed structure was what kept me focused on what I needed to write.

    I was totally lucky to land my job. They needed some young blood to help teach the faculty how to adapt to teaching with iPads and I happened to be just graduating with just the right experience they were looking for. I taught there for ten years.

    Unfortunately teaching ended up not being my thing. I was horribly underpaid, the students stopped caring about the quality of their work post-COVID, and I greatly disagree with the direction and vision of the institution. It was a great experience, don’t get me wrong, but ultimately I had to go.

    Hopefully seeing that so many people relate to your experiences helps!

  • Hello  and welcome to the community.

    I relate to much of what you say. When you are able to work in a university faculty it can appear to the outside world that you everything is OK when that is not necessarily the case.

    I am in my mid 60s, F and received my diagnosis just over a year ago. I was referred for an NHS assessment but the waiting list was so long I went to a private autism clinic. I was also referred for an ADHD assessment but I don’t want to go for a private assessment as my GP won’t prescribe medication that has been initiated by a private prescriber.

    I came to higher education later in life, in my 30s and following my first degree,  I kept studying as the environment of semi distant part-time learning suited me. I failed miserably at school and diagnosis helped me understand why that happened. I think that the school teaching system suits more autistic children nowadays, that is when it is working as it should, as clearly a lot of children don’t get the help they need.

    Johngs said:
    Being autistic can be exciting on the ideas front, but ADHD means it is almost impossible to stay focussed and work things out in detail.

    That is how it is for me too. Sometimes I can’t give some posts here the response they deserve because of this. The order and chaos depiction defines how my brain works. 

    Johngs said:
    I also make art (my academic job was in a science / engineering faculty, in the maths / computing area, not art at all) and am doing a postgraduate qualification in art. Not because I want the qualification but maybe because I can only function in an institutional setting where there is some imposed structure

    It is marvellous that you have both maths/computing and art interests. I don’t understand much of maths but I like numbers and I’m quick doing mental arithmetic. My interest is archaeology, particularly the material culture of the Levant —  figurines, iconography, agency etc., and canine behaviour and welfare. I live alone but I have two dogs.

     

  • in reply to Mr T

    Thank you, yes, looking back and realising what may have been going on years earlier is not always easy to cope with. 

  • Hello and welcome to the 'Latelings' club.

    I can empathise with most of your post. Being autistic is a lot to deal with. I think that being older when you get the label can leave you floundering about not knowing what to do. This is what this place is a help for. Lots of discussions and most importantly experience. Yo are not alone here.