New Diagnosis (level 1) 38, M, Fife.

I don’t actually play an instrument - I just enjoy listening to music. When I was younger I had the opportunity to go to a lot of classical music concerts because I lived in London for a while - and I saw some wonderful performances and great conductors and orchestras. Re. your little boy - I’m glad that things are starting to feel better for you now. Having young children can be challenging at times it’s true - but all your kindness and patience to your son will be rewarded because it’s such a joy to have good relationships with our children and if you’re lucky that will bring you both happiness for the rest of your lives. 

Hey there! Thanks for responding. It’s great to see so many people in a similar situation - it makes me feel less alone as I’m sure it does for others too :). Really glad I came across this group 

hey, thank you for the detailed reply

it’s great to chat with a fellow musician. I tried to update my bio on here and give a bit of an overview as well as there’s a few things I like but looking back, they’re all quite creative. It sounds like you’re really talented. Do you still play any instruments?

yeh, the job has been difficult, more so recently as well - my son is 3 and ever since, things have been really challenging. I was actually told I had depression after he was born but since my diagnosis was told that it was such a shock to my routine and disruption that I had frequent episodes of burnout leading to low mood. At the time, I wasn’t aware I was neurodivergent. Much better place now and he’s my little side kick but my god … there are days where he really tests me haha. 

Hi John - welcome. I’ve always found people on here to be incredibly supportive and friendly - and I hope you have a similar experience. I’m autistic and both my (young adult) sons are diagnosed as autistic too (the eldest also has a diagnosis of ADHD). I love classical music too and at about age 15 or 16 I became incredibly interested in Gustav Mahler which was an interest that absolutely no one I knew shared on any level at all. I even travelled to Austria to do a bit of a Mahler ‘tour’ when I was 18. I have wide ranging and diverse tastes in music now - but still love classical music. It’s great that you’ve managed to do well in your career - no easy task for neurodivergent people. But it can give people the false impression sometimes that life is less of a challenge than it actually is for more high achieving autistic people. 

It takes patience so be kind to yourself, learn when you have the headspace for it and let it soak in slowly. Once you get past this initial shock stage then it does get easier.

Hey, absolutely. It’s strange looking back, I like to describe it as an identity crisis as that’s what I felt .. and still do :). Which parts are me, and which are spectrum traits .. then I realise they are one and the same. Will take time to accept this too for myself as feel I’ve resisted the diagnosis at times - almost like it’s not real, or why if they missed something etc. 

Much appreciated Iain. There’s lots of advice and info, I think it’s picking out the right parts that’s applicable and also time for it all to absorb. 

Good morning from America, John!

I’m a composer, too! I actually taught it at a university for ten years. Lately though I’ve been focused on remixing video game music just for my own enjoyment, but I used to write a wide variety of styles. It’s been a long time since I’ve written music for others to perform.

Like you, I have ASD/ADHD, have a full time job, friends (though none of them are local), and a wife & kids. So yeah, I get that seeming normal from the outside feeling.

As Lemon slice suggested, counseling could be a good route to take post-diagnosis to work through the processing of all of it. It’s not for everyone, but it helped me quite a bit.

Hi John, im 53 year old female in Glasgow, got official diagnosis 6 months ago. Like you im in a professional job which is quite demanding. I had already self diagnosed last year but thought that nobody would believe me and so paid for private diagnosis. Im very high masking and finding the whole process quite challenging. I did a late diagnosis group session with One Stop Shop, 6 week online thing, it was really good, you might want to try contacting them. Also can you get counselling through your work? If yes, that's also something you coukd consider. Ive done this too and it uncovers a lot of stuff thats built up over 50 years. Good luck

I had to go private as well and then just left. I do know that Fife has one stop shop for autistic adults based in Kirkcaldy I think. I think autism initiatives run a late diagnosed group that lasts for around 6 or 8 sessions. Other than that try and find a local support group in Scotland and unless you are in a big city and travel you are pretty much limited.

Yeah, Scotland seems to have nothing for adults, I had to go private too in my region.  Trying to read some books and use the forum to work it out for the most part!

Thanks. Tbh there is really nothing here either. I had to go private in the end and got a good assessment from an NHS consultant psychiatrist in his private practice. Feels like diagnosed then dumped. Trying to navigate it all - mostly reading and self education 

Hi JB welcome to the 'Latelings' club.

I was diagnosed in my fifties a couple of years ago. A lot made sense and thought that knowledge would open doors to understanding but since then all the positives have been overshadowed by the doors getting slammed shut in my face. I feel so useless and ruined by the whole thing at times but other times I feel like I can see clearly now and do not like what I see.

How is Fife for support services? In my area of Scotland there is virtually nothing

Hi John, welcome to the group!

It's funny when you finally get a diagnosis and start looking back on your life and seeing the signs were always there, you just didn't know at the time. I got diagnosed last month, and still getting used to it really. This group is really helping with coming to terms with it all and having people understand what you are feeling and have advice and tips. It's been fun joining in and communicating with people I've not done in a long time. 

That's quite a skill to compose music, I was always so hyper focused on art I never really pursued it, but I think my kids have got lots of talent for music (and they definitely didn't get it from their dad!).

I hope you feel you can start joining in and post again soon!

Hello John, welcome to the community.

There is a good soure of information on the subject of shutdowns / meltdowns here: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/behaviour/meltdowns

Similarly for the protection (I think you mean masking): https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/behaviour/masking

I come from a similar background to you and I know how hard it is not to show how much it costs us sometimes - we come from a culture where men are given little opportunity to be acceptably vulnerable and where were our worth is often measured against how useful we are.

There is a lot of info to take in post diagnosis but if you want any pointers or advice then fire away - we have a lot of people who have been through similar journeys and can offer some guidance.