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New Member - Parenting Best Practice

Stuart_S

Hello all, 

I'm Stuart and new here. I have two children, including my wonderful 7 year old son who is autistic and ADHD. 

I just wondered if anyone has any methods they use to support their child to regulate during a meltdown. My son is very 'hitty', we have techniques to regulate (and try to prevent meltdown), but wondered if there are any top tips others use. 

Also, have other parents struggled coming to terms with diagnosis? I struggled at first, but through attending webinars, reading endlessly and speaking to other parents have got to a really good place. The school are fantastic too. 

Look forward to engaging with you all. 

Thankjs

Stuart

Parents

  • Hi Stuart, welcome! 

    So I have two kids, the older has just been diagnosed but my younger one (8) I firmly believe is autistic too. 

    I'm going to explain what we do, it's not quite the same but may help a tiny bit?

    Where as her older brother tends to shutdown when overwhelmed, she has meltdowns, and screams very loudly. Previously before we realised the underlying reasons, we'd tell her off, and threaten to cut screen time if she kept screaming in our faces. (Being autistic myself it really hurts my ears). When I started reframing that she might also have ASD, and especially being PDA, I started coming up with strategies that actually worked and it's made a huge difference.

    The main thing is recognising it as they are not coping with the world and lashing out at it. Their behaviour can also be scary to them. I explain very calmly that she is cross and upset and needs to find a better way to get that feelings out safely, and suggest some things to do instead. This takes a while to sink in, but she has actually started tapping instead now instead of screaming. Lots of positive reinforcement and acknowledging them when they manage not to lash out. What she needs most  then is calm reassurance and a safe space. She's still be mad at this point, but also hates being looked at, so sometimes just hiding under some cushions on the sofa would help with a cuddly toy. My child then gets selective mutism, so we provide paper and pencil to write down what the problem was, as she can't explain it, which is also some of the frustration. (If yours can say what's it was, you might not need this).

    Also we used to have more after school activities but we cut right back so she has more time to relax, as she often comes home from school wound up from being very quiet at school, effectively masking all day. We also spoke to the school so they know she is having difficulties with the pressure.

    Anyway, after months of this we are starting to see less of the shouty meltdowns and her handling it better now she feels like we 'get' her.

    Hope it helps, good luck!

Reply

  • Hi Stuart, welcome! 

    So I have two kids, the older has just been diagnosed but my younger one (8) I firmly believe is autistic too. 

    I'm going to explain what we do, it's not quite the same but may help a tiny bit?

    Where as her older brother tends to shutdown when overwhelmed, she has meltdowns, and screams very loudly. Previously before we realised the underlying reasons, we'd tell her off, and threaten to cut screen time if she kept screaming in our faces. (Being autistic myself it really hurts my ears). When I started reframing that she might also have ASD, and especially being PDA, I started coming up with strategies that actually worked and it's made a huge difference.

    The main thing is recognising it as they are not coping with the world and lashing out at it. Their behaviour can also be scary to them. I explain very calmly that she is cross and upset and needs to find a better way to get that feelings out safely, and suggest some things to do instead. This takes a while to sink in, but she has actually started tapping instead now instead of screaming. Lots of positive reinforcement and acknowledging them when they manage not to lash out. What she needs most  then is calm reassurance and a safe space. She's still be mad at this point, but also hates being looked at, so sometimes just hiding under some cushions on the sofa would help with a cuddly toy. My child then gets selective mutism, so we provide paper and pencil to write down what the problem was, as she can't explain it, which is also some of the frustration. (If yours can say what's it was, you might not need this).

    Also we used to have more after school activities but we cut right back so she has more time to relax, as she often comes home from school wound up from being very quiet at school, effectively masking all day. We also spoke to the school so they know she is having difficulties with the pressure.

    Anyway, after months of this we are starting to see less of the shouty meltdowns and her handling it better now she feels like we 'get' her.

    Hope it helps, good luck!

Children
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