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I'm not sure if my autism is sub-clinical

sommersunshine

I was recently informally identifed/suspected to be autistic. I'm wondering if my experience may be sub-clinical. Clinically significant seems like this mystical criteria that no one can really quantify or conceptualize. It seems almost entirely subjective, which makes it difficult for me as someone who struggles to understand the severity of their experiences (interoception issues). 

That said, this is my experience: 

- **TW**: When I was younger I had no friends and was so isolated I didn't want to be here anymore 

- I needed to seen an OT for sensory processing issues 

- Very limited diet --> dietary issues/nutritional deficiencies 

- Almost no sense of pain and limited help seeking behaviors

- Chronically dehydrated, little sense of thirst

- Friendships often ended without me knowing why 

- Cognitive rigidity/need for sameness --> difficulty adjusting to adult life/peter pan syndrome, diagnosis of an anxiety disorder

- Presence of masking --> feeling disconnected, unsafe (ie what if people find out the real me), chronic fatigue but not to the extent of crashing out for days after 1 or 2 hours kind of a thing 

- Difficulty understanding indirect communication/ understanding social cues and unwritten rules --> employment issues (not job loss, just getting yelled at a lot)

- Occasional (maybe once a month) panic attacks where I struggle to speak and don't want to be here anymore 

Does this allign with your guy's experiences? It's tough for me to tell because I work for a very accepting and accommodating place (like they give you fidgets kind of accepting), go to a school that's majority neurodivergent, and my family suspects me as autistic strongly enough that they accomidate me. Plus I have terrible interoception and no concept of what neurotypical/allistic normal is because everyone I know is neurodiverse. 

I think the thing I'm struggling with is thinking of it as a disability. I have ADHD too and I wouldn't consider that a disability either. Plus I don't know if I would call my traits "life limiting". If anything they're life giving, because I am working on a PhD in my special interest. 

  • The listed traits as described impact your daily life, so I think they are clinical. You are right, all this is quite subjective and it's upsetting. Fir me everything must be 0-1. That's why the information from my therapist "autistic traits" is enough for me as an information.  They are 0-1. They are there, present, affect me in my daily life (and my family) but the official diagnosis would be important for me if it could help me get some support and improve the quality of my life.

    I would also say, my autistic traits were much more severe in my past. Now I could even call them subclinical, or I just got so used to all these problems that I don't notice how it all affects me, it's my whole life after all.

  • I think you might have answered yourself here, it sounds like your particular issues effect your quite a bit! I think it's harder to come to terms with when you can think your way around some problems. I think you are more likely suffereing strong imposter syndrome, which I think from what I've read is kind of usual? You might know more about this too!

  • Good morning from America, sommersunshine,

    I mean, I’m no expert, but it sounds like you could be AuDHD. I have ASD, ADHD, GAD, and major depression and a lot of what you say aligns with my experience. Though my panic attacks don’t seem quite as debilitating, I do struggle with *TW* suicidal ideation from time to time.

    sommersunshine said:
    I think the thing I'm struggling with is thinking of it as a disability. I have ADHD too and I wouldn't consider that a disability either. Plus I don't know if I would call my traits "life limiting". If anything they're life giving, because I am working on a PhD in my special interest. 

      put it perfectly on your other thread that it’s like an ebb and flow. I feel like ND conditions like ADHD and ASD more means that we are wired differently than we are disabled, as for some of us we can manage through the disability with minimal support. It’s true though that others of us have much more difficulty working through the disability part of ND without support. That does not make your ND any more or less relevant.

    It is great to hear that you have a PhD in your special interest. I have a masters in mine and I taught it for a while, and that can be very - as you said - life giving.