I'm doubting my autism diagnosis

I was recently unofficial identified as autistic by a psychologist during a mental health needs assessment. I've noticed my autism ebs and flows over time. Sometimes I feel paralyzingly autistic, have meltdowns, sounds feel intolerably painful, and I can't stand how uncomfortable I feel to the point it severely impacts my mental health. Othertimes, I genuinely don't feel autistic at all. I socialize all day without crashing, can handle my sensory environment, etc. Othertimes I unmask and deep dive into my special interest and become "researcher autistic". Does anyone elses autism feel so different at different times? In comparison, my ADHD feels the same every day. The things that are difficult for me are always difficult for me. Maybe my frame of reference is off? Or maybe I'm sub-clinically autistic? 

Does anyone else feel this way? Is this normal? What does autism feel like for you guys? 

I've also noticed that the more I support myself and am accomidated, the less autistic I feel. Sensory supports makes socializing easier, masking doesn't feel nearly as burdensome. Is this normal? 

Parents
  • Sounds similar to my situation. I was seeing a counsellor who based on things I was saying suggested the possibility of Autism. She wasn't qualified to do any sort of diagnosis (and made that clear). It was a remark based on her knowledge of the subject, and her having  Autism and ADHD herself. We went through some of the content from NAS together and it was seeming a strong possibility so I put in for and am still awaiting assessment.

    While waiting, I tend to go back and forth. Sometimes I think yes, other times I'm 50/50. There are things that I have noticed though like when I get more stressed or overwhelmed, the tags on clothing become annoying, I'll pace about more, fidget in repetitive ways, be less sociable, more tired, etc. I'm never sure if things I'm picking up on are confirmation bias though. I think I had said in another thread about not wanting to use phrases saying "I have autism" before I get a diagnosis, because of the uncertainty, and not wanting to claim something if I end up not being, even if it seems likely and there is family history of Autism.

    The thing that worries my most about the assessment I think is if I am NOT diagnosed with Autism. AFAIK you can be diagnosed, but not being diagnosed doesn't mean you don't have Autism. I think that would just leave me in this weird limbo.

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  • Sounds similar to my situation. I was seeing a counsellor who based on things I was saying suggested the possibility of Autism. She wasn't qualified to do any sort of diagnosis (and made that clear). It was a remark based on her knowledge of the subject, and her having  Autism and ADHD herself. We went through some of the content from NAS together and it was seeming a strong possibility so I put in for and am still awaiting assessment.

    While waiting, I tend to go back and forth. Sometimes I think yes, other times I'm 50/50. There are things that I have noticed though like when I get more stressed or overwhelmed, the tags on clothing become annoying, I'll pace about more, fidget in repetitive ways, be less sociable, more tired, etc. I'm never sure if things I'm picking up on are confirmation bias though. I think I had said in another thread about not wanting to use phrases saying "I have autism" before I get a diagnosis, because of the uncertainty, and not wanting to claim something if I end up not being, even if it seems likely and there is family history of Autism.

    The thing that worries my most about the assessment I think is if I am NOT diagnosed with Autism. AFAIK you can be diagnosed, but not being diagnosed doesn't mean you don't have Autism. I think that would just leave me in this weird limbo.

Children
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