I'm doubting my autism diagnosis

I was recently unofficial identified as autistic by a psychologist during a mental health needs assessment. I've noticed my autism ebs and flows over time. Sometimes I feel paralyzingly autistic, have meltdowns, sounds feel intolerably painful, and I can't stand how uncomfortable I feel to the point it severely impacts my mental health. Othertimes, I genuinely don't feel autistic at all. I socialize all day without crashing, can handle my sensory environment, etc. Othertimes I unmask and deep dive into my special interest and become "researcher autistic". Does anyone elses autism feel so different at different times? In comparison, my ADHD feels the same every day. The things that are difficult for me are always difficult for me. Maybe my frame of reference is off? Or maybe I'm sub-clinically autistic? 

Does anyone else feel this way? Is this normal? What does autism feel like for you guys? 

I've also noticed that the more I support myself and am accomidated, the less autistic I feel. Sensory supports makes socializing easier, masking doesn't feel nearly as burdensome. Is this normal? 

Parents
  • What you are describing is consistent with autism.

    It is not a constant. The tide comes in and out.  When it comes in you can sail about happily  When it goes out it leaves you stuck and unable to move.

    Whether you meet the criteria to be diagnosed depends on whether it is an annoyance or significantly adversely affects your life. This is what a formal diagnosis assesses.

    For some, even with the tide in, they can struggle. These people are easier to see and diagnose. 

    For others they can be a quirky normal in good times.

    Sometimes you can have just enough water, then waves can make you able to move or cause you to stick for a moment. This can be confusing. 

    Certain stressful life events make the tide go out, as can the cumulative effect of lots of small things, lights sounds, daily demands, forgetting to drink, not eating well, sleeping badly, etc.

    And if you stress yourself too much you can have burnout, where the tide goes out for months, not just a day or two.

    You can also change your harbour which has different characteristics. E.g. change, partner, job, where you live, some aspects of your life, and your tides may be higher or lower. Or the ground under water may change shape.

    Each person is different, sailing their own boat in their own harbour. 

  • I really like the way you put this and completely agree.

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