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I'm doubting my autism diagnosis

sommersunshine

I was recently unofficial identified as autistic by a psychologist during a mental health needs assessment. I've noticed my autism ebs and flows over time. Sometimes I feel paralyzingly autistic, have meltdowns, sounds feel intolerably painful, and I can't stand how uncomfortable I feel to the point it severely impacts my mental health. Othertimes, I genuinely don't feel autistic at all. I socialize all day without crashing, can handle my sensory environment, etc. Othertimes I unmask and deep dive into my special interest and become "researcher autistic". Does anyone elses autism feel so different at different times? In comparison, my ADHD feels the same every day. The things that are difficult for me are always difficult for me. Maybe my frame of reference is off? Or maybe I'm sub-clinically autistic? 

Does anyone else feel this way? Is this normal? What does autism feel like for you guys? 

I've also noticed that the more I support myself and am accomidated, the less autistic I feel. Sensory supports makes socializing easier, masking doesn't feel nearly as burdensome. Is this normal? 

Parents

  • If I understand correctly,  it's a suspected autism diagnosis from your psychologist? Or is it an official diagnosis? 

    I'm not officially diagnosed, only suspected.  For me my problematic traits and symptoms are very consistent,  but there are some long lasting fluctuations like for example long after giving birth I felt like I'm in a wrong body, I can't say if I got more sensitive now, or it's just me being me again as I have a toddler at home and suddenly reminds me how much I suffered in the nursery and school. My social and sensory issues, my special interests are there all the time. They don't change in intensity, only sometimes topics change. There were trams and trains in my childhood for several years,  there was Russian over 10 years, also graphic designing, now are aliens and space. You wrote that you have ADHD.  I don't know how AuDHD profile looks like, maybe it's something like you described, its worth exploring. As a young adult I went for party once or twice. It was an hour of my big effort followed by whole day in isolation to digest it somehow and relax. 

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  • If I understand correctly,  it's a suspected autism diagnosis from your psychologist? Or is it an official diagnosis? 

    I'm not officially diagnosed, only suspected.  For me my problematic traits and symptoms are very consistent,  but there are some long lasting fluctuations like for example long after giving birth I felt like I'm in a wrong body, I can't say if I got more sensitive now, or it's just me being me again as I have a toddler at home and suddenly reminds me how much I suffered in the nursery and school. My social and sensory issues, my special interests are there all the time. They don't change in intensity, only sometimes topics change. There were trams and trains in my childhood for several years,  there was Russian over 10 years, also graphic designing, now are aliens and space. You wrote that you have ADHD.  I don't know how AuDHD profile looks like, maybe it's something like you described, its worth exploring. As a young adult I went for party once or twice. It was an hour of my big effort followed by whole day in isolation to digest it somehow and relax. 

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