Does it ever get less weird?

Let me start by saying that you are very articulate of your experiences. Beyond your age. 

The weirdness (feeling of) I think of as myself making sense of things, often without people or helpful cues and references.  A diagnosis may be a big relief. I am sure some people double down on a deep dive of self discovery but I already know who I am.

The reality of having to earning money is scary in England. Especially when I dont receive support, are long term unemployed and people dont accept you or obstruct your employment progress for their pleasure. It makes for a dissolutioned and demoralised life experience when you choose to engage in a society that does not see you or negates you to enrich itself. 

I think if you can use your time in the new space you have to develop your ideas and meet as many people who may have similar experiences to you then you may be able to also make big changes to someone else's (who is neuro diverse) life. This will come back to you later in kind later on.

Wow it sounds like your experience is eerily similar to mine. I was diagnosed with ADD (now ADHD) in 4th grade, so the Autism was easily hidden behind a mask and that diagnosis. I also have most of my family accepting of my Autism now.

I do feel a little guilt when I see a post of someone that is really struggling with others’ acceptance or are facing discrimination. I’m pretty lucky that my wife is so supportive and I have a workplace that understands what I’m capable/not capable of.

It sounds like something both you and I need to come to terms with is that it is okay to be okay. Autism can be a struggle, but it does not need to be.

Thank you, this really helped me understand it.

What you said about people only “seeing it” once the mask slips really makes sense.

I think that’s happening with me too,  people will only believe it when I stop coping so well.

I also like what you said about self-accommodating and not waiting for others to get it first. 

Thank you!!

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Of course! Although my autistic brain is seeing nuance in this question so I feel like I need to answer it two-fold. First I'll answer how I specifically got to this point, then advice for other's. Hopefully that answers what you're looking for. :))

First, how I got to this point. I am unusually lucky in that I was 1) born into a very autistic family 2) born to a mother who is an occupational therapist and 3) picked up from a very young age, and repeatedly since then. I was very lucky that when I was younger I was seen by a speech therapist for pragmatic communication difficulty, an occupational therapist for sensory issues, etc. It was all there, but not yet understood as autistic. I am of the age that when all of this was going on you couldn't be both autistic and ADHD, and since I am SOOO ADHD, I think that was prioritised. But since I was so flamingly autistic as a child, it was pretty easy to follow the paper trail all the way back and see it was always there.

In terms of what has changed more recently, I think it took my family seeing behind my mask to actually believe me. They needed to see trying desperately to mask + still autistic (in their eyes) to see the autism at all. Everything changed once they saw this. 

I think my advice to other's would be to never stop advocating for yourself, and also to not wait for other's to start self-accomidating. It took me about 5 years of self-advocacy for them to finally see it. I think for some people seeing is believing, but they also need to know what to see to see anything at all. In my experience this came from 1) self accomidating, which both made me "look autistic" (yes this is problematic but I do think it is meaningful for the neuro-majority) and showed that I "respond autistically" to autistic-centered supports and 2) from them seeing my mask fail and realizing I am still the same little kid underneath. 

I love talking about autism & advocacy, so by all means feel free to start a conversation or ask any more questions. I'd love to help! :))

This is really interesting. Coming from a place of being both queer and autistic, I really resonate with this. I think there's a lot of overlap in the story lines from "coming out" as LGBTQ+/autistic to finding your little community to the same non-normativity of being queer or autistic (or neuroqueering if you're interested in theory). And it makes me think of the similarity of where we were then vs not (at least in my area, certainly not generalisable). Do you think our society will ever "catch up"? Autism/intersectional neurodiversity theory is my special interest, so I'd love to hear your thoughts. 

I have never experienced this, but it would like to. I feel uplifted reading this post.

sommersunshine said:

Then there's also the constant feeling of being perceived

This resonates.

sommersunshine said:

I feel childish in my autistic ways of being

This too. 

Would you mind me asking what helped you get to this stage please?

Yeah that’s a great understand and I think you know the person underneath is generally someone who is grounded in knowledge and understanding as opposed to the world you are trying to fit in with and that world can often be driven by the wrong desires and very surface level 

sommersunshine said:

Do you ever get used to a new way of being? Does it ever get less weird? 

I found it fairly easy to come to terms with my identity post diagnosis, helped by a good therapist who was constantly reminding me to look beneath the surface of my masking and see my true self.

Once you understand the masking that comes from being a self preservation technique then it becomes more obvious that it is a suit of armour that you can put on or take off as required. Finding that person underneath and accepting them in all their rawness takes a guiding hand.

At this stage it starts to lose its weirdness and just becomes more real somehow.

That has been my experience.

I said to my friend recently trying to tell people that you have autism is probably similar to how it was for g/l/b/t almost felt 20 years ago, it’s scary ground - If people will accept it, help with your needs or shut you out…. Take it slow with people you trust… the most interesting thing as an adult is you are still exactly the same person as you were yesterday without a diagnosis you’re just more self aware about how to be better and become better at yourself now