Hello all
I didn’t introduce myself when I joined and thought I better remedy that.
I’m late diagnosed (aged 49) autism and adhd. I’d been thinking about talking to the doctor about a referral for a long time but thought I was overthinking things. Some things changed in the past couple of years that spurred me to start the process.
My diagnosis journey took about 8 months - I contacted my doctor in February, then completed a couple of basic autism & adhd forms, I included an additional letter as to why I wanted to be referred and then he referred me via Right to Choose. It was about 16 weeks before I had any updates from the health service, which was what I’d expected. Between June and October I completed more forms (I dreaded the forms - it took a lot of will power to start them but once I did it was a good exercise in self-reflection), and had several online appointments.
I received confirmation of autism during my last appointment. It was weird. During the process I’d been thinking what if it’s not autism or adhd? If it’s not I don’t know what else could explain the way things are. When I was given the diagnosis it was a strange mix on ‘I knew it!’ and ‘What if they’re wrong and I’ve managed to convince everyone?!’ I don’t get imposter syndrome much, but in this case I felt like a fraud, so I’ve been working hard to accept the diagnosis. I haven’t told many people, just close family and a couple of friends. It feels very delicate and I worry that people will want me to explain myself and defend the diagnosis, and at the moment I just want to sit with it for a while.
I’m still getting my head around things. It’s very difficult to let go of years of ways of doing and thinking. I talked to the doctor about medication, but, and this is the conclusion that I’ve come to in my circumstances, I feel that the combined autistic and adhd behaviours and mindsets are so bound up in who I am that if I took anything to change that, I wouldn’t be me any more. My way of working and how I approach things is planned and chaotic, and I’d be off balance if I messed with that.
At least now, my collection of stones from racing circuit gravel traps feels justified.
