My diagnosis experience so far

Hi and welcome.  Congratulations on getting tge confirmation of your life long experience. Many people here report having their families and or friends not believing them. It's often a reaction like "it's just you" or sometimes they hear comments about their behaviour that changed (unmasking) or other like "we are all a bit ...". Quite rarely it's just understanding. I shared with my family and friend (the only i have) that my therapist suspects autism. My family told me that I'm weird my whole life, but they don't believe I'm autistic,  because I'm too creative and autistic people are those who make only one type of movements all the time (in severe forms yes) but they seem to not accept, that it's a spectrum. So fir them my obsessive very deep interests are just my weirdness but nothing to do with autism.

My friend told me, that I just talk too much at times, otherwise there is nothing wrong with me. When I shared my "weird" Rituals that I make everyday since my childhood,  she shut up stayed silent for some time. So if I ever get diagnosed,  I will share it only here and with my husband. 

The only positive experience with it I have at work, but its generally risky and may cause increased bullying and harassment.  The situation in my company is quite special because I'm not the only ND and not only autistic there and my manager himself suggested that I go to therapy and kind of helped me find it. In addition I have a special position there- my manager knows, if he has a long and boring task that nobody wants to do but it has to be done - I'm the best choice and I will most likely notice and solve problematic cases, find irregularities,  mistakes etc.

Hello

Thanks for your response. I’ve had two family members that I’ve talked to about my suspicions over the past few years, (one of those in particular) but when it came to going through the process, I said “I’m doing this” and then didn’t tell them anything more (unless they asked if I’d heard anything) until diagnosis was complete. I didn’t want to feel any weird pressure because it felt a strange thing to be doing anyway. So I say share with who you trust and feel most comfortable with whether they’re irl or trusted online.

I think some people can have a limited idea of what autism and adhd are and how they manifest, which makes it harder for anyone who’s neurodivergent to put their experience out there and be taken seriously - I think that’s why I’m taking care who I tell. I have a couple of friends who I haven’t seen in person for a long time who I’d like to tell, but I worry about how they react. Not that they’d be unkind, but that they just won’t know what to say and they might feel like they have to say something, plus they’re a long way away so I wouldn’t be able to respond to their reactions straight away. Maybe I should just tell them that I don’t expect anything in response but I wanted to tell them because I felt they were thoughtful people who I respect and would handle my news with care.

I haven’t told anyone who I work with (I’m self-employed) but if I did, I think a lot of them would be supportive. A couple of people I work with have gone through a similar process of late diagnosis and would understand, but I want to own it for a while. When I think about some past employment and relationship situations that I struggled with, things make more sense now and I’m sad that I didn’t know sooner because I could’ve dealt with things better. I mentioned to one psychiatrist that I was disappointed that I learnt things so late. They said that I should look forward and consider what changes I make to support how I move on from now. I find I’m stubborn though and making changes is difficult.

It sounds like you have an understanding situation at work and your manager is good at identifying tasks that suit your skills. If diagnosis helps you understand yourself and accept who you are it’s worth doing. I think I’m still settling in to it. But I do think about how to describe myself - autistic person or person with autism - my doctor asked me what I preferred and I can’t say. I don’t want to be defined by it, but at the same time, I kind of want to embrace it because it’s part of me.

Hello

Thanks for your response. I’ve had two family members that I’ve talked to about my suspicions over the past few years, (one of those in particular) but when it came to going through the process, I said “I’m doing this” and then didn’t tell them anything more (unless they asked if I’d heard anything) until diagnosis was complete. I didn’t want to feel any weird pressure because it felt a strange thing to be doing anyway. So I say share with who you trust and feel most comfortable with whether they’re irl or trusted online.

I think some people can have a limited idea of what autism and adhd are and how they manifest, which makes it harder for anyone who’s neurodivergent to put their experience out there and be taken seriously - I think that’s why I’m taking care who I tell. I have a couple of friends who I haven’t seen in person for a long time who I’d like to tell, but I worry about how they react. Not that they’d be unkind, but that they just won’t know what to say and they might feel like they have to say something, plus they’re a long way away so I wouldn’t be able to respond to their reactions straight away. Maybe I should just tell them that I don’t expect anything in response but I wanted to tell them because I felt they were thoughtful people who I respect and would handle my news with care.

I haven’t told anyone who I work with (I’m self-employed) but if I did, I think a lot of them would be supportive. A couple of people I work with have gone through a similar process of late diagnosis and would understand, but I want to own it for a while. When I think about some past employment and relationship situations that I struggled with, things make more sense now and I’m sad that I didn’t know sooner because I could’ve dealt with things better. I mentioned to one psychiatrist that I was disappointed that I learnt things so late. They said that I should look forward and consider what changes I make to support how I move on from now. I find I’m stubborn though and making changes is difficult.

It sounds like you have an understanding situation at work and your manager is good at identifying tasks that suit your skills. If diagnosis helps you understand yourself and accept who you are it’s worth doing. I think I’m still settling in to it. But I do think about how to describe myself - autistic person or person with autism - my doctor asked me what I preferred and I can’t say. I don’t want to be defined by it, but at the same time, I kind of want to embrace it because it’s part of me.

Yes, the therapy helps me better understand myself, it also helps me the fact that the therapist understands me and I hope he will help me further. He said that on our final session we will discuss solutions. I have 4 more sessions. It's hard to find a matching therapist or mental health professional. Many are dismissive or even don't take us seriously.  I had such a case some half year ago, my therapist referred me to a psychiatric association and suggested that they help me find a specialised trauma therapy. I've experienced terrible abuse some 12 years ago and I can say I function surprisingly well but I can say I feel some effects of it with a delay. But that lady there didn't seem to take ne seriously at all, although I shared with her, what I went through (not gonna share here for privacy reasons and to nit trigger anyone). She just said they can't help and she can't refer me anywhere further. 

It would be helpful if the diagnosis leads to a useful outcome that moves you forward. When asked about what I would like to see as a result of diagnosis, I said it would be good to have guidance and support to help me adapt and deal with things that I have difficulty with.

It sounds like it would be worth getting the diagnosis so you could gain support with parenting. Does the therapy help? I was talking to a young person who I work with who has found a therapist that suits them and it’s made a difference. I think about exploring that option but I have a slightly pessimistic attitude as to whether I’d find it helpful. It would have to be someone who understood autism and adhd.

When the doctor asked me, it wasn’t something I’d considered in relation to myself, or other people who I knew. I initially said I wasn’t bothered but I keep thinking about it. I hadn’t asked other autistic/adhd people about how they wanted to be described, there’d just been an acceptance and awareness of everyone’s different needs.

The idea is to say autistic person.

The view is that you aren't a person with autism because the two are not separable. It is part of you. It's not a disease or something you caught or have. There isn't a you without it.

I'm not that bothered, but is why they ask.

I would also struggle to answer the last question you mentioned. As for now for me it doesn't matter. I was multiple times misdiagnosed and mistreated by mental health professionals,  suffered side effects of medicaments and was never taken seriously, just as dramatic, overreacting, problematic etc Patient, that they just wanted to prescribe pills and get rid of. So it was always like "one pill per day and think positively" but how could I think positively when I was constantly misunderstood,  told how I'm a weirdo or the good advice "you just need to see friends" yeah what friends? I had none! - "then just make some" etc. Trying to explain it felt like hitting my head off of a wall, which I occasionally do it if I'm in a very strong stress. 

As for now I still have my therapy, also I have a toddler girl and her teachers in tge nursery noticed, that I have problems,  psychologists also picked my daughter.  She was tested and I answered questions about her, the result is that she is not autistic (which I expected, I really don't see any autistic traits in her) but she needs support in emotional development. And I was told, that my flat affect and tone if voice also influences her. Her psychologist asked me if I have my diagnosis.  Looks like they gonna "help" me get one. It would be helpful inly if this diagnosis actually helps. Like for example access to some therapies that would improve the quality of my life and parenting. If not- then I don't see much point in taking place in the already overbooked diagnostic clinics. I'm not in UK by the way, so I don't think there is such a thing like RTC.