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My head's fell off....

onedego

Hi Community!  Hi Mods!  I thought I'd introduce myself.  I'm Andy!

My journey started a couple of years ago when my wife & I recognised signs of ADHD in our then 9 year old daughter.  We did the usual online questionnaires, and decided to go to our GP to get her checked out.  Low and behold, 12 months later paediatrician diagnoses her with Inattentive ADHD.  You know how things go, though - you're filling in these questionnaires and answering them for yourself - my answers were quite similar to hers...  Intrigued, off I went to our GP down the right to choose route - and 12 months later diagnosed with Combined ADHD - but the psychiatrist was also ASD Qualified, and told me there and then he thought I might be Autistic, and asked for me to be re-referred for that route.  I wasn't convinced.  Along came the questionnaires, and then the appointment (11 weeks after my ADHD diagnosis) - a different psychiatrist added Autism to my wrap sheet.  

My ADHD diagnosis I'd met with "nothing's changed, I'm 44 and I've made a pretty good career with it", but the Autism diagnosis has hit me HARD.  I think it's the combination of the two more than just Autism.  So my head's fell off completely - I'm feeling quite lost as I'm now looking back at 44 years of my life with masking, and wondering now what is mask, what is me?  I want to be able to unmask as much as possible, but it's hard when you don't know where you're masking.  Apparently, I'm supposed to be being referred for "therapy" to help me figure it out, but I'm not holding my breath at the moment as Mental Health services in my area are absolutely shocking.  Don't get me wrong, I'm looking back at those 44 years and certainly some stuff makes sense - friendships (or lack of), social awkwardness, day-dreaming, creative, struggled academically but amazing fact recall, ability to find answers where others can't, hugely logical mind (but also chaotic).  

So I guess for now I'm just going to have to try and figure it out myself...  What makes it worse is that I've spoken to a couple of people who I've known for up to 6 years and told them of my diagnosis and they replied "I thought you knew already?"

I'm not down, or depressed - just extremely confused and a little lost at the moment.  

Thanks for listening!

Parents

  • Good morning from America, onedego!

    AuDHDer here. Having a child was also a big reason why I pursued a diagnosis for myself (Though we got mine before my daughter’s).

    onedego said:
    I've spoken to a couple of people who I've known for up to 6 years and told them of my diagnosis and they replied "I thought you knew already?"

    That’s interesting! When I told friends and family I did get a few “That makes sense,” but I also had my fair share of “That’s not right. You’re too high functioning to be Autistic.” I don’t think anyone said that they thought I knew already.

    onedego said:
    I want to be able to unmask as much as possible, but it's hard when you don't know where you're masking.

    What has really helped me to understand what is masking for myself has been learning about others’ experience with masking. This site is a great place to start. There’s been a lot of times I’ve read other Autistic’s experiences and thought “Whoa, me too!” A good book that has helped me as well is Unmasking Autism by Devin Price, which shows a wide variety of Autistic experiences. Learning about what exhausts and drains you can take some time, so remember to be patient with yourself.

    But, as  said, we sometimes need to mask for safety. It’s not always a negative.

  • in reply to profdanger

    I think it's the industry that I work in - it lends itself to Neurodivergent people.  One of those people is also married to someone who is Autistic, so I guess he just recognised it in me and never thought to ask, or didn't think asking was a necessity.  

    What I have realised is that I have issues with things clinging on my legs.  It's 0 degrees Celsius, and I'm still wandering around in shorts - but with my hoodie sleeves over my hands - my wife has adorably called it my "Penguin Look".

Reply
  • in reply to profdanger

    I think it's the industry that I work in - it lends itself to Neurodivergent people.  One of those people is also married to someone who is Autistic, so I guess he just recognised it in me and never thought to ask, or didn't think asking was a necessity.  

    What I have realised is that I have issues with things clinging on my legs.  It's 0 degrees Celsius, and I'm still wandering around in shorts - but with my hoodie sleeves over my hands - my wife has adorably called it my "Penguin Look".

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