• Replies 18 replies
  • Subscribers 77 subscribers
  • Views 454 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

My head's fell off....

onedego

Hi Community!  Hi Mods!  I thought I'd introduce myself.  I'm Andy!

My journey started a couple of years ago when my wife & I recognised signs of ADHD in our then 9 year old daughter.  We did the usual online questionnaires, and decided to go to our GP to get her checked out.  Low and behold, 12 months later paediatrician diagnoses her with Inattentive ADHD.  You know how things go, though - you're filling in these questionnaires and answering them for yourself - my answers were quite similar to hers...  Intrigued, off I went to our GP down the right to choose route - and 12 months later diagnosed with Combined ADHD - but the psychiatrist was also ASD Qualified, and told me there and then he thought I might be Autistic, and asked for me to be re-referred for that route.  I wasn't convinced.  Along came the questionnaires, and then the appointment (11 weeks after my ADHD diagnosis) - a different psychiatrist added Autism to my wrap sheet.  

My ADHD diagnosis I'd met with "nothing's changed, I'm 44 and I've made a pretty good career with it", but the Autism diagnosis has hit me HARD.  I think it's the combination of the two more than just Autism.  So my head's fell off completely - I'm feeling quite lost as I'm now looking back at 44 years of my life with masking, and wondering now what is mask, what is me?  I want to be able to unmask as much as possible, but it's hard when you don't know where you're masking.  Apparently, I'm supposed to be being referred for "therapy" to help me figure it out, but I'm not holding my breath at the moment as Mental Health services in my area are absolutely shocking.  Don't get me wrong, I'm looking back at those 44 years and certainly some stuff makes sense - friendships (or lack of), social awkwardness, day-dreaming, creative, struggled academically but amazing fact recall, ability to find answers where others can't, hugely logical mind (but also chaotic).  

So I guess for now I'm just going to have to try and figure it out myself...  What makes it worse is that I've spoken to a couple of people who I've known for up to 6 years and told them of my diagnosis and they replied "I thought you knew already?"

I'm not down, or depressed - just extremely confused and a little lost at the moment.  

Thanks for listening!

Parents
  • onedego said:
    the Autism diagnosis has hit me HARD.

    I find it helpful to think that the diagnosis is simply a label that explains how your brain works. Treat is as if you have a car that is red and you wonder what shade of red it is. You now know it is burgandy. It is the same as before but now you know the exact colour and that helps you colour match paint to treat any scratches.

    onedego said:
    what is mask, what is me?

    It is all you. Everyone - even neurotypicals - mask to a degree. It is a fairly human survival trait but autists tend to use it more because we lack the intuitive social skills that others have.

    If you look at a situation you are in where you are masking - think how it differs when you are with people you can trust to be more yourself when around them and realise where you are acting differently - that is the mask for that situaiton. We have many masks and it can take a long time to discover them all.

    With or without the mask you are still you. All that is happening is you are acting a bit differently so over time you can work out what the acting is and decide if you want to drop it or not.

    I find it is essential to mask in some situations for our own safety or for the comfort of those we are with - you can decide what levels you mask once you start to spot this.

    onedego said:
    Apparently, I'm supposed to be being referred for "therapy" to help me figure it out, but I'm not holding my breath at the moment as Mental Health services in my area are absolutely shocking. 

    From what others have reported here, the quality of autism related therapy available on the NHS is aweful. It is much better to go privately where you get to chose the therapist and interview them to make sure they really understand their stuff around autism and have a specialisation in any problem areas you may have.

    At around £50/hour it isn't cheap but is a worthwhile investment in your own capabilities and mental health.

Reply
  • onedego said:
    the Autism diagnosis has hit me HARD.

    I find it helpful to think that the diagnosis is simply a label that explains how your brain works. Treat is as if you have a car that is red and you wonder what shade of red it is. You now know it is burgandy. It is the same as before but now you know the exact colour and that helps you colour match paint to treat any scratches.

    onedego said:
    what is mask, what is me?

    It is all you. Everyone - even neurotypicals - mask to a degree. It is a fairly human survival trait but autists tend to use it more because we lack the intuitive social skills that others have.

    If you look at a situation you are in where you are masking - think how it differs when you are with people you can trust to be more yourself when around them and realise where you are acting differently - that is the mask for that situaiton. We have many masks and it can take a long time to discover them all.

    With or without the mask you are still you. All that is happening is you are acting a bit differently so over time you can work out what the acting is and decide if you want to drop it or not.

    I find it is essential to mask in some situations for our own safety or for the comfort of those we are with - you can decide what levels you mask once you start to spot this.

    onedego said:
    Apparently, I'm supposed to be being referred for "therapy" to help me figure it out, but I'm not holding my breath at the moment as Mental Health services in my area are absolutely shocking. 

    From what others have reported here, the quality of autism related therapy available on the NHS is aweful. It is much better to go privately where you get to chose the therapist and interview them to make sure they really understand their stuff around autism and have a specialisation in any problem areas you may have.

    At around £50/hour it isn't cheap but is a worthwhile investment in your own capabilities and mental health.

Children
  • in reply to Iain

      would you be so kind to tell me an example of this the comfort of those I am with? : ^I find it is essential to mask in some situations for our own safety or for the comfort of those we are with - you can decide what levels you mask once you start to spot this.^ many thanks!!!