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No help since diagnosis

Clarkie

Hi,

Not sure what I'm asking for here, but I needed to reach out. I've been diagnosed with both ADHD and autism for a while (autism about 3 years, ADHD about 1). I'm 57, female and not medicated (ADHD diagnosis was most recent and although it was a while ago I've still not got to titration stage yet).

I don't know who I am. I've masked so successfully all my life (without knowing it was masking, just thinking it was trying to keep up with others) that I do not know where the mask ends and I start. I've tried to work out who I am since the diagnoses and all that's appeared is more confusion.

I've had no help or support since diagnosis either. After my autism assessment I was sent a bunch of photocopied info sheets, where it turns out most of the groups and support listed no longer exist or are suspended because of funds. There is no diagnostic team. The only thing on offer was a 6 week online course which turned out was aimed at parents of autistic children. and just explained what autism was (thanks, I can google that myself), so I left that.

I feel I am drowning more than I did before. I expected there to be a grieving and shock process, but I feel worse off now than when I was clueless about my diagnoses. it feels empty and alone.

Has anyone accessed anything useful in their acceptance and unmasking journey that perhaps I could look into? I realise I'm going to have to be proactive: no one (in the NHS) is going to actually supply any help.

Parents
  • Clarkie said:
    Has anyone accessed anything useful in their acceptance and unmasking journey that perhaps I could look into?

    I found the single biggest help for me (diagnosed in my 50s too) was to get a psychotherapist who really understands autism and work through everything with them.

    It took me around 10 sessions to cover all the things that we agreed would benefit from analysing and a handful of follow up sessions to check in and cover less frequent issues / questions or to refresh on some skills.

    It costs about £50/session so not cheap, but in terms of value for money it was great.

    Just make sure they have a lot of experience in helping autists - mine had 2 neurodiverse adult offspring and she had helped them through their issues growing up so had the practical experience as well as her degree in psychology - a great combo.

    Clarkie said:
    I don't know who I am.

    I find it helps to stop trying to label myself as anything - I am who I am and it doesn't benefit me to try to encapsulate this in a word or phrase.

    The therapy helped me understand which of my behaviors stemmed from autism, which from the defence mechanisms from trauma and which were just my own nature - all add up to whatever the jumbled heap is that is called Iain.

    Once you can accept whatever it is that you are then it really takes a load off.

Reply
  • Clarkie said:
    Has anyone accessed anything useful in their acceptance and unmasking journey that perhaps I could look into?

    I found the single biggest help for me (diagnosed in my 50s too) was to get a psychotherapist who really understands autism and work through everything with them.

    It took me around 10 sessions to cover all the things that we agreed would benefit from analysing and a handful of follow up sessions to check in and cover less frequent issues / questions or to refresh on some skills.

    It costs about £50/session so not cheap, but in terms of value for money it was great.

    Just make sure they have a lot of experience in helping autists - mine had 2 neurodiverse adult offspring and she had helped them through their issues growing up so had the practical experience as well as her degree in psychology - a great combo.

    Clarkie said:
    I don't know who I am.

    I find it helps to stop trying to label myself as anything - I am who I am and it doesn't benefit me to try to encapsulate this in a word or phrase.

    The therapy helped me understand which of my behaviors stemmed from autism, which from the defence mechanisms from trauma and which were just my own nature - all add up to whatever the jumbled heap is that is called Iain.

    Once you can accept whatever it is that you are then it really takes a load off.

Children
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