Hello all,
I wonder if anyone can please advise.
My brother (32) has always suffered with learning difficulties, tested for dyslexia etc as he shows heavy traits in this area. Additionally he appears to suffer with difficulties socially which have become more and more apparent as he gets older, but as far as I'm aware have never been tested (the school were primarily concerned with reading/writing presumably).
Recently I have discussed the possibility with my sister that he could be autistic, and she and her partner tend to agree.
This was no more than observation until the last few days when she contacted me to say my brother has admitted to her partner that he is becoming depressed, struggling to move on from a family bereavement (the first he experienced) 9 years ago, and doesn't feel he can talk to my parents about it. Our family is not particularly open and easy when it comes to this stuff.
This conversation took place on a trip away, where my sis' partner noticed far more autistic traits than he has before. For the sake of brevity I'll list what was noticed and what we know form previous experience:
- lives at home, spends most of the time in his room
- obsesses over gadgets, the collection of films
- does not seem to realise when a joke has gone too far or become tired, does not pick up on the rest of the group moving on from a subject of conversation or getting irrtated; butts in and tries to steer conversation back to something he knows about (always the same things) or a previous conversation long passed, and will continue to do so; responds to further conversation in the same way (as if he hasn't heard anything said to him)
- cannot let go of an idea that is wrong, i.e. if he is incorrect he disregards explanations or answers and vehemently sticks with his version, cannot adjust to new ideas in this way
- not getting the joke, or laughing something off he doesn't grasp
- does not realise when a subject or action is socially innapropriate - he seems to have learned to curb this around strangers and people he meets at work but within family and friends does not
- admits he finds group situations and social occassions difficult, clearly finds it hard to know what to talk about and keep a conversation going
- when doing something out of his comfort zone (recently travelling on a tube) continually monitoring the stops yet to be passed, how many are yet to go
- odd things, recently very obsessed with a family pet, and on ordering pizza waiting by the window to look out for it (vigil style) rather than join the family
- seems to display a speech impediment - not quite a real stutter, but a build up to entering the conversation by repeating syllables, I recognise this as imitating a couple of people from when we were younger; also when he pipes up mid conversation with something seemingly irrelevant he raises his voice to be heard above normal levels
- does not make close friends, has not had a relationship. Interestingly ok with strangers (surprisingly empathetic) but close relationships seem to be the difficulty
My concern is that his depression is exacerbated by the way his is and not knowing why, and the fact that shortly my sister and partner are due to move out (leaving him the last sibling at home - the second eldest of 4)
At present we are unsure how to go about getting him help when he is unaware his confidence has been broken (simply because th person involved didn't know what to do and was worried). I'd appreciate advice on how to handle this - sorry for the length of the message. I've no doubt that he needs to see a GP but has anyone had to raise this with someone 'out of the blue' before?
Thanks.
