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recently diagnosed at 20 years old

Lydia

Hi everyone. I am a 20 year old female who has just received a diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome. I have had anorexia since I was 13, and this now seems to perhaps be symptomatic of me finding it difficult to understand the world. I am really struggling to accept the diagnosis, however, as I am confused about what Asperger's really is. I also don't feel like someone who doesn't 'get' or enjoy the company of other individuals; I just struggle with social anxiety and understanding the rules. I am very locked into a lot of negative behaviours and coping strategies (not eating, vomiting, self harm, panic attacks, pulling out my hair, sleeping on the floor, avoiding rest, over excercising) and I don't know how to learn to live with myself. It also seems like there is not really any help available for adults with autism. I am feeling very lost and sad, and would really appreciate talking to some other people who have experienced Asperger's. Sorry if this post seems self obsessed! Thanks.

Parents

  • Hiya,

    Welcome, not been here long myself, but its seems a kind and friendly place. I'm a little closer to your age (i am 24), i was diagnosed when i was a teeanger but by reading you anecdote i think i went through a similar stage.

    I think the comment above about the inside outside perspective thing is important. I have recently had similar thoughts to yourself regarding (i attended a 3 day event with work, and for the most part, i was the most social person there, the last to head to the hotel etc).... this was nice, but i did feel it felt wierd. I started to get anxoius about why this event had gone so well. Doh.

    Anyway, on further reflection i noticed a trend. That event was very easy for me, but then that may be because it was an event organised by experts in disabilities and attended by experts... i was also attending with two other people who had actully done almost all of the complex bits (all i had to do was stick by thier side). What more, i had lots of trust in those two people.  (it wasn't a perfect event, it did end with a minor shutdown due to a loud bar and tummy problems disrupting my sleep).

    In that enviroment, I felt SAFER with the people I was attending with. I didnt know what to do when i returned the hotel room, and these people provided me with ample structure (the event itself was made up of a timetabled series of blocks. With many blocks being "pub till late"). I actully liked talking to the other people there and i was relaxed enough that i didnt get to upset if i was having speech issues. Others had issues too.

    So, what i am trying to say (at least for me) was that part of my expectation of myself was based on that outside in view of autism held by others. When this conflicted with my expectations of myself, that was wierd. But, when i applied an inside out approach and thought about how i was feeling about different scenarios, my expecations were met.

    I hope that makes some sense. I dont know if i am the only person who beats themselves up when they do BETTER than they expected, but I do and its not really a very clever thing for me to do. 

    In the end, the diagnoses is a key to services and a starting square in the game of life. For me, it allowed me to make some definitive choices (i shall carry Lion with me everywhere, i will buy a bed i like to sleep in regardless of its shape) and actully those few changes made a HUGE change to my baselevel anxiety and before it knew it, i was more able than i could have previously imagained.

    Kind regards,

    Jamie + Lion

Reply

  • Hiya,

    Welcome, not been here long myself, but its seems a kind and friendly place. I'm a little closer to your age (i am 24), i was diagnosed when i was a teeanger but by reading you anecdote i think i went through a similar stage.

    I think the comment above about the inside outside perspective thing is important. I have recently had similar thoughts to yourself regarding (i attended a 3 day event with work, and for the most part, i was the most social person there, the last to head to the hotel etc).... this was nice, but i did feel it felt wierd. I started to get anxoius about why this event had gone so well. Doh.

    Anyway, on further reflection i noticed a trend. That event was very easy for me, but then that may be because it was an event organised by experts in disabilities and attended by experts... i was also attending with two other people who had actully done almost all of the complex bits (all i had to do was stick by thier side). What more, i had lots of trust in those two people.  (it wasn't a perfect event, it did end with a minor shutdown due to a loud bar and tummy problems disrupting my sleep).

    In that enviroment, I felt SAFER with the people I was attending with. I didnt know what to do when i returned the hotel room, and these people provided me with ample structure (the event itself was made up of a timetabled series of blocks. With many blocks being "pub till late"). I actully liked talking to the other people there and i was relaxed enough that i didnt get to upset if i was having speech issues. Others had issues too.

    So, what i am trying to say (at least for me) was that part of my expectation of myself was based on that outside in view of autism held by others. When this conflicted with my expectations of myself, that was wierd. But, when i applied an inside out approach and thought about how i was feeling about different scenarios, my expecations were met.

    I hope that makes some sense. I dont know if i am the only person who beats themselves up when they do BETTER than they expected, but I do and its not really a very clever thing for me to do. 

    In the end, the diagnoses is a key to services and a starting square in the game of life. For me, it allowed me to make some definitive choices (i shall carry Lion with me everywhere, i will buy a bed i like to sleep in regardless of its shape) and actully those few changes made a HUGE change to my baselevel anxiety and before it knew it, i was more able than i could have previously imagained.

    Kind regards,

    Jamie + Lion

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