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I'm new here. Just want to get something off my chest.

Radioguy03

Hello,

I'm new here, and I'm in a bit of a dilemma and want to get it of my chest.  

I'm an autistic 21-year-old man, and one of the reasons I've joined is simply because I feel there's hardly anyone I know in real life who I genuinely connect with.

I met a lad who is also autistic at school, and we kept in touch and got to know each other's families. We got on well and continued to see each other fairly regularly, but I think looking back, interactions could be a bit forced, and it was easier to see each other all together. One-on-one was always more awkward, like there wasn't really much to say, and we didn't have much common ground. Our respective families have always been supportive of each other, and we've had some nice times together, but recently we've drifted apart a bit, until recently when our respective parents suggested about us two meeting up again. And honestly - I feel bad about saying this, so please be gentle - I think the friendship has run its course now. We've not fallen out or anything, but it feels like I'm being forced into it. Also, I have very strong principles politically, and they're clearly Tory/Reform supporters, so as I've got more enlightened, I've just realised I want to distance myself as much as possible from people who have such different values. 

I've recently made a new friend, who's also autistic, at a voluntary organisation we're both involved with, and I feel much more of a connection with her. We have such a lot in common, and we're never short of things to talk about, which is something I've never felt with anybody else before. She's genuinely my first proper best friend, someone I really gel with, and we understand each other so well. I want to try and meet more of these people and make my own friends, which i why I've joined this community.

My parents are very supportive and loving, but I don't feel I can say stuff like this to them, even though I don't think there's any shame in feeling these emotions. They'd probably think I was heartless! Maybe I am, but I'm just in a really awkward position, because I don't want to upset anyone (I'm a bit of a people-pleaser and too nice a lot of the time). But at the same time, I should be able to share these thoughts, because you can't be best friends with everyone you meet.

I'm just trying to ask whether I'm being horrible or if anyone else has had a similar experience and can offer any advice. 

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  • Radioguy03 said:
    I've just realised I want to distance myself as much as possible from people who have such different values. 

    What about the things you do have in common? I imagine there must be quite a few of these otherwise what did you talk about and do for all that time?

    I would advise telling them that you find the political difference a problem but if you can stay off those subjects then why not enjoy one anothers company still?

    It is often the fact we find ourselves exposed to opinions we do not share, or subjects we don't know much about that help us re-evaluate our own beliefs so there is much to be found from this sort of friendship. Just try to keep any animosity out of it and it can be educational, even if only for seeing how others form their opinions.

    With the likes of social media we tend to live is echo chambers these days, only wanting to hear opinions  that reinforce our own so it helps to be challenged once in a while.

    You can have more than one friend and there is no need to use labels like "best" as it means any other friend is seen as lesser by comparison. Just use the term friend from now on.

    Radioguy03 said:
    I'm just in a really awkward position, because I don't want to upset anyone

    By not uspetting others you are upsetting yourself. In your position I would decide what is right for me and stick with that and if that is upsetting for someone else then that is too bad, someone was going to be upset and better them than me.

    You can never please all the people all the time - learning to accept this is a way to take a load of pressure off you in the long run.

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  • Radioguy03 said:
    I've just realised I want to distance myself as much as possible from people who have such different values. 

    What about the things you do have in common? I imagine there must be quite a few of these otherwise what did you talk about and do for all that time?

    I would advise telling them that you find the political difference a problem but if you can stay off those subjects then why not enjoy one anothers company still?

    It is often the fact we find ourselves exposed to opinions we do not share, or subjects we don't know much about that help us re-evaluate our own beliefs so there is much to be found from this sort of friendship. Just try to keep any animosity out of it and it can be educational, even if only for seeing how others form their opinions.

    With the likes of social media we tend to live is echo chambers these days, only wanting to hear opinions  that reinforce our own so it helps to be challenged once in a while.

    You can have more than one friend and there is no need to use labels like "best" as it means any other friend is seen as lesser by comparison. Just use the term friend from now on.

    Radioguy03 said:
    I'm just in a really awkward position, because I don't want to upset anyone

    By not uspetting others you are upsetting yourself. In your position I would decide what is right for me and stick with that and if that is upsetting for someone else then that is too bad, someone was going to be upset and better them than me.

    You can never please all the people all the time - learning to accept this is a way to take a load of pressure off you in the long run.

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