• Replies 2 replies
  • Subscribers 71 subscribers
  • Views 134 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Breakup

Julia2000

I was in a relationship with my boyfriend who is autistic. Lately we were having frequent fights. I have OCD and sometimes I am entering into a loop of asking questions. We have age difference of almost 2 years. Because of the fights we had a conversation if we should breakup or continue. We decided to continue but I made a mistake. Next day of the conversation we had a fight, I enter into a loop of asking if he was fine. I asked him time, and to think about again if we should continue or not. Then he told me he was confused, because we already had that conversation, and why opening again that topic, if we haven't even given a day to try it with the solutions we agreed. He said he lost trust in the relationship, he doesn't see us as a team, and he can not be in a relationship with someone who opens again after having the talk. I made a mistake with my reaction, I was with a lot of emotions and I felt the things that morning were not flowing. Do you think there is something I can do so he gives me the chance to built his confidence again?

Parents

  • Hi Julia and welcome to the community.

    I'd suggest apologising and explaining that you were still working your way out of your OCD loop. If you can both work to better understand each other's conditions and the issues that they can cause for you, then I feel that would be a big help in your relationship.

    On that note, in respect of your recent fights and more generally, you might both find this book helpful. It specifically focuses on helping couples within which one person is autistic to work on their relationships through improved mutual understanding and communication, complete with exercises that you can both complete and discuss, if you wish:

    Loving Someone with Asperger's Syndrome: Understanding and Connecting with your Partner

    (The diagnostic manuals no longer use "Asperger's"; it's now diagnosed as autism / Autism Spectrum Disorder). It's helpful to know that, between one issue / scenario and the next, the author frequently switches the identity of the autistic party. In one scenario, the male is autistic, but in the next it's the female, etc. Although this has done for good reasons (eg to avoid reinforcing any stereotypes), it can be a bit frustrating and require some extra effort when reading, but it's worth it.

    The NAS also has some related advice here:

    NAS - Family relationships - a guide for partners of autistic people

    You might also like to consider couples counselling, ideally with a counsellor who has experience in helping neurodivergent people.

    I wish you all the best. x 

Reply

  • Hi Julia and welcome to the community.

    I'd suggest apologising and explaining that you were still working your way out of your OCD loop. If you can both work to better understand each other's conditions and the issues that they can cause for you, then I feel that would be a big help in your relationship.

    On that note, in respect of your recent fights and more generally, you might both find this book helpful. It specifically focuses on helping couples within which one person is autistic to work on their relationships through improved mutual understanding and communication, complete with exercises that you can both complete and discuss, if you wish:

    Loving Someone with Asperger's Syndrome: Understanding and Connecting with your Partner

    (The diagnostic manuals no longer use "Asperger's"; it's now diagnosed as autism / Autism Spectrum Disorder). It's helpful to know that, between one issue / scenario and the next, the author frequently switches the identity of the autistic party. In one scenario, the male is autistic, but in the next it's the female, etc. Although this has done for good reasons (eg to avoid reinforcing any stereotypes), it can be a bit frustrating and require some extra effort when reading, but it's worth it.

    The NAS also has some related advice here:

    NAS - Family relationships - a guide for partners of autistic people

    You might also like to consider couples counselling, ideally with a counsellor who has experience in helping neurodivergent people.

    I wish you all the best. x 

Children
No Data