Waiting for assessment, worried I wont fit in here.

Hello Luna_Sky .

Recently assessed via ProblemShared.

My partner was my informant, corroborating form submissions and adding substance.

You know yourself better than anyone, and have a lifetime of experience as evidence.

I found the experience to be emotionally huge and intellectually exhausting, yet it was what I wanted and needed.

I hope it all goes well for you.

Oh you are the first person I have seen on here saying they were assessed by Problem shared. I am awaiting assessment by them, have done all the questionnaires, am expecting assessment after Christmas. Can I ask you how it went? 

Absolutely.

Firstly, I received a personalised email confirming my assessment date, which was within the quote week count. There was an opportunity to reschedule if the date did not suit me, or my informant. I replied to confirm the date, then logged in weekly to ProblemShared to avoid risk of automated cancellation.

Secondly, I received confirmations of the time of the two sessions via email; Autism: ADOS/Observational Session - RTC, and Feedback Session - RTC. My informant received theirs too, to their nominated email address.

Thirdly, I received loads of reminders, which is probably handy for the more ADHD persons among us. I added a date to my work and personal calendars, and assumed all would be well.

I tested the online meeting tool ahead of the assessment session to ensure audio and video were fine. They were.

On the day of assessment, I started the observational session at 09:30, and my eyes started streaming immediately, mainly since I already knew I was in the right place, in the direction of self-knowledge, and acceptance. My assessor had years of experience, and a friendly, patient, reassuring tone that put me at ease. They had read my questionnaires, and my informant's questionnaires, and related the standard questions to my previous answers.

The assessment session was scheduled for 90 minutes but I spoke in more detail than many of their clients. Some of the questions led me to more tears as I remembered my younger selves stumbling through school, work, social situations, and mental health challenges. Throughout, I was given time to recompose, and opportunity to elaborate on some questionnaire responses, and newer, verbal questions.

When it ended, I returned to remote working in the gap between sessions. During this time, my assessor had spoken to my informant's assessor.

At 15:00, I nervously stared at the screen as I received the big, new truth I wasn't sure I wanted, meeting all of the DSM criteria, and inadvertently high masking for so long, letting myself be true to what how I want to be still feels unwarranted, avoidable, delicate, massively emotional, sensitive, every trait I had buried for so long.

At the end, I had various options for post-diagnosis support, and I opted for a series of webinars. These are also operated by ProblemShared, and the first was very helpful indeed, run by two Neurodivergent persons with all the theory plus the life experience. We were also encouraged to leave a TrustPilot review, which I did, since I am deeply grateful for the access to a straightforward assessment pathway that did not exist when I was young.

If I can offer any further detail to help you prepare, please let me know.

Absolutely.

Firstly, I received a personalised email confirming my assessment date, which was within the quote week count. There was an opportunity to reschedule if the date did not suit me, or my informant. I replied to confirm the date, then logged in weekly to ProblemShared to avoid risk of automated cancellation.

Secondly, I received confirmations of the time of the two sessions via email; Autism: ADOS/Observational Session - RTC, and Feedback Session - RTC. My informant received theirs too, to their nominated email address.

Thirdly, I received loads of reminders, which is probably handy for the more ADHD persons among us. I added a date to my work and personal calendars, and assumed all would be well.

I tested the online meeting tool ahead of the assessment session to ensure audio and video were fine. They were.

On the day of assessment, I started the observational session at 09:30, and my eyes started streaming immediately, mainly since I already knew I was in the right place, in the direction of self-knowledge, and acceptance. My assessor had years of experience, and a friendly, patient, reassuring tone that put me at ease. They had read my questionnaires, and my informant's questionnaires, and related the standard questions to my previous answers.

The assessment session was scheduled for 90 minutes but I spoke in more detail than many of their clients. Some of the questions led me to more tears as I remembered my younger selves stumbling through school, work, social situations, and mental health challenges. Throughout, I was given time to recompose, and opportunity to elaborate on some questionnaire responses, and newer, verbal questions.

When it ended, I returned to remote working in the gap between sessions. During this time, my assessor had spoken to my informant's assessor.

At 15:00, I nervously stared at the screen as I received the big, new truth I wasn't sure I wanted, meeting all of the DSM criteria, and inadvertently high masking for so long, letting myself be true to what how I want to be still feels unwarranted, avoidable, delicate, massively emotional, sensitive, every trait I had buried for so long.

At the end, I had various options for post-diagnosis support, and I opted for a series of webinars. These are also operated by ProblemShared, and the first was very helpful indeed, run by two Neurodivergent persons with all the theory plus the life experience. We were also encouraged to leave a TrustPilot review, which I did, since I am deeply grateful for the access to a straightforward assessment pathway that did not exist when I was young.

If I can offer any further detail to help you prepare, please let me know.

Again thank you for sharing this. I’m going to read it properly again to get your experience inside my head and make myself some notes. I want this assessment, but I am also scared. 

Based on my experience, I can only offer the suggestions that:

• You may doubt your eligibility because you have never previously been encouraged to accept the potential truth of your autistic status
• You are more worried about misrepresenting yourself to an authority figure since you suspect most people outside of your mind will dismiss your evidence, regardless of its integrity
• You do not identify with autistic representation in popular media, so are steeling yourself for rejection, something you may well be used to
• The medical criteria is often portrayed as proving deficit

For balance, my experience was:

• A very open and patient person showing professional interest in my wellbeing
• A qualified professional validating the assumptions I had made, based on 42 years' lived experience
• A calm, one-to-one conversation with no sense of urgency to reach a conclusion
• No expectation of eye contact, etc.; focus on words
• Exactly the kind of informal space to be yourself and fairly represent your answers, including some very upsetting memories, dozens of new suggestions exploding as you talk and think

It isn't easy, but it is necessary to reach the answer you seek. An irony I keep enjoying is that I am so autistic that I would not accept that I was autistic until a qualified professional permitted me to become openly autistic. From what I have read here and elsewhere, fear of allowing yourself to become your true self is totally normal, and the phase of removing the disguise you've worn for a long time is truly draining. I am doing it while being a working parent and volunteer, leaving very little time and energy to address the scope of internal change taking place. Yet I am already profoundly lighter and happier living as my autistic self, including the inability to ignore a dripping tap or distant car engine.

I hope this information can help accurately represent the experience, so you can accept that the inevitable discomfort may lead to a happier life. Although I am not a consistently sociable person, reading posts from this community have helped me a great deal, and that is far more pragmatically valuable than 'aww' posts from well meaning allistic people I know.

Thank you for this reply. It’s made me feel a bit emotional, I am scared that I will get the assessment wrong or won’t show up properly due to masking or they will struggle to get any coherent answers out of me. I am going to read your reply again and maybe I will have some more questions to ask you. Again, thank you