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Waiting for assessment, worried I wont fit in here.

Luna_Sky

Hey everyone. This is the first time I have ever reached out.

I am currently waiting for an assessment. The wait doesn't seem to be too much longer- perhaps 12-14 weeks.

I chose to explore this path myself, with everyone but my husband saying the usual 'We're all on the scale', 'Never seen traits in you', which I have actually found quite hurtful. This has been the one place that gave me the 'Ah ha!' moment. 

I'm 39 years old and spent most of my life wondering why I'm so different. I even thought at one point that maybe I actually AM from another planet. 

I guess I'm in a place now where I'm worried that I won't fit in here either. That I'll have my assessment and they'll tell me- no, you're just very sensitive.

To me, it's more than that. To me it's a lifetime of emotional intensity, overwhelm, meltdowns, stimming and those blooming itchy labels. It's so much more than I can write right now, and I'm so afraid I just won't fit in again. Story of my life.

I don't think I have anyone to take to the assessment to talk about my childhood. My Mother is not reliable, she lives in a fantasy land. And my Father (possibly Autistic) lives in denial and would not have time because the whole idea of this assessment would seem ridiculous to him.

So that's where I'm at. I'm hoping to find some like-minded people- who listen to the trees whisper, feel the magic crawl up their spine as the leaves fall over the next few months, and those who understand that sometimes, ear plugs are necessary even when we spend time with our loved ones.

xx 

Parents

  • Hi,

    Just joined and saw you post, you have said so eloquently how I have felt exactly for many years, right down to telling my therapist I felt like an alien. I'm sure we will find like  minded people here but in case you don't know that there is at least one other who is just like you, I am 39 also but have not put in for a formal assesment yet. Still doing my research and interviewing family who seem to struggle to recognise things like my verbal ticks, hand movements when questioned and I have to give 3 or 4 examples before they say "oh yes I have seen that but that's just how you are."

    I look at it this way, they love me and they think it will somehow hurt my feelings pointing it out these obviously not normal things that I do, so they block them out and focus on the things that I am good at in a protective sort of way.

    Anyway, best of luck finding what your looking for, you are definitely not alone.

Reply

  • Hi,

    Just joined and saw you post, you have said so eloquently how I have felt exactly for many years, right down to telling my therapist I felt like an alien. I'm sure we will find like  minded people here but in case you don't know that there is at least one other who is just like you, I am 39 also but have not put in for a formal assesment yet. Still doing my research and interviewing family who seem to struggle to recognise things like my verbal ticks, hand movements when questioned and I have to give 3 or 4 examples before they say "oh yes I have seen that but that's just how you are."

    I look at it this way, they love me and they think it will somehow hurt my feelings pointing it out these obviously not normal things that I do, so they block them out and focus on the things that I am good at in a protective sort of way.

    Anyway, best of luck finding what your looking for, you are definitely not alone.

Children
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