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Waiting for assessment, worried I wont fit in here.

Luna_Sky

Hey everyone. This is the first time I have ever reached out.

I am currently waiting for an assessment. The wait doesn't seem to be too much longer- perhaps 12-14 weeks.

I chose to explore this path myself, with everyone but my husband saying the usual 'We're all on the scale', 'Never seen traits in you', which I have actually found quite hurtful. This has been the one place that gave me the 'Ah ha!' moment. 

I'm 39 years old and spent most of my life wondering why I'm so different. I even thought at one point that maybe I actually AM from another planet. 

I guess I'm in a place now where I'm worried that I won't fit in here either. That I'll have my assessment and they'll tell me- no, you're just very sensitive.

To me, it's more than that. To me it's a lifetime of emotional intensity, overwhelm, meltdowns, stimming and those blooming itchy labels. It's so much more than I can write right now, and I'm so afraid I just won't fit in again. Story of my life.

I don't think I have anyone to take to the assessment to talk about my childhood. My Mother is not reliable, she lives in a fantasy land. And my Father (possibly Autistic) lives in denial and would not have time because the whole idea of this assessment would seem ridiculous to him.

So that's where I'm at. I'm hoping to find some like-minded people- who listen to the trees whisper, feel the magic crawl up their spine as the leaves fall over the next few months, and those who understand that sometimes, ear plugs are necessary even when we spend time with our loved ones.

xx 

Parents

  • Hello  .

    Recently assessed via ProblemShared.

    My partner was my informant, corroborating form submissions and adding substance.

    You know yourself better than anyone, and have a lifetime of experience as evidence.

    I found the experience to be emotionally huge and intellectually exhausting, yet it was what I wanted and needed.

    I hope it all goes well for you.

  • in reply to alushjoyhand

    Thank you, that's good to know. If I get the diagnosis it will be quite a relief, I feel that everything will finally make sense. x

  • in reply to Luna_Sky

    Have you already received some kind of survey?

    I found the format reassuring;

    • [Here's the question related to an assessable autistic trait, please provide your answer]
    • [My answer]

    Perhaps the first job application for which I met 100% of the skills and experience criteria.

    The more I addressed the questions, the more I could feel a clarification of idenitity welling in my tearducts. As soon as my assessment began, I was crying since I knew I was right about my suspicions, and upset that I had not believed my instincts for so long. It was also validating to know that the assessor had read my submissions and understood that the interaction was not a mutual waste of time.

Reply
  • in reply to Luna_Sky

    Have you already received some kind of survey?

    I found the format reassuring;

    • [Here's the question related to an assessable autistic trait, please provide your answer]
    • [My answer]

    Perhaps the first job application for which I met 100% of the skills and experience criteria.

    The more I addressed the questions, the more I could feel a clarification of idenitity welling in my tearducts. As soon as my assessment began, I was crying since I knew I was right about my suspicions, and upset that I had not believed my instincts for so long. It was also validating to know that the assessor had read my submissions and understood that the interaction was not a mutual waste of time.

Children
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