Newly diagnosed.

Hi Elan

Yes I can see why many become despondent as I did after seeing the psychiatrist who basically dismissed me & simply thought it was an anger management issue & that there would be a 2 year waiting time to see a psychologist for support!! I was was already quite ill by then & even worse afterwards. Undoubtedly I plummeted soon after & yes I felt very much like giving up at the time, all this had a negative impact on me, my husband and my children who were young at the time.

Those days were horrendous & very rocky especially in our marriage despite my husband doing his level best to understand & support me & my complex needs in addition to the stressea of raising an asperger son. I take my hat off to him & love him dearly for sticking by us all. No mean feat as many marriages break up with far less. Few men would deal with what he's had to cope with. He reduced his hours to part time to care for us all, which in itself is stressful through obvious financial constraints as a result. However, home schooling, having my husband's unwavering support, support from subsequent brilliant medical professionals, interpreters & most of all my faith has got is to where we are today. We are a very close knit family as a result & have a very strong marriage having been through so much together. 

We we have learnt through many trials & errors what works best for our aspie son & found those strategies worked for me too. Due to our disabilities relationship between our son & I was fraught at best. However as we all did our best to apply new strategies  find what worked fr all of us, life became much calmer, easier. Now our son & I are very close, also our daughter & I. To say that it's been a very difficult journey for her is an understatement, especially when she was too young to understand.

Our daughter has learnt to support her brother & know when not to wind him up, when to explain things, when to be patience which isn't always easy as she has her own needs. She supports & helps him discreetly while out with peers, most of the time. She has such compassion and understanding for people far beyond her years both as a result of her experiences and the type of person she is. She has grown to be a very fine young lady with wisdom & emotional intelligence far beyond her years.

My husband and has taught our son much about banter, emotional intelligence, social cues, subtleties and the like that asperger & ASD people struggle with, that he's learnt how to compensate & adapt well.in many ways that's a positive thing, the difficulty arises when people don't understand and disbelieve he has difficulties & struggles. Which in turn means they won't cut him as much slack as some one with a broken leg, & will push until he reacts then he's the one that pays the price for days & weeks, months, years & we all do. Does that make any sense?

As parents we have to deal with our son differently as you would a non aspie child, which makes us appear as soft parents not discipling our child when he kicks off. We have had to learn to ignore these negative attitudes & disparaging remarks & continue to do things our way not even sure if it was the right way? Now he's grown into a fine young man compensating & adapting well for the most part, with most non the wiser except for those closest to him unless certain stressful situations arise, then his struggles would become more apparent.

Things are still very challenging & exhausting that doesn't change, but we have learnt to adapt as a family as we went for many years with little or no support & were much isolated! However we now have the right support from professionals which helps a lot. One cannot undetestimate the value these services provide or the devastation & isolation felt without such services in place. We have experienced the reality of both. Thankfully there's been much support from children's services from the outset for the most part since our son's diagnosis at 8 years of age. 

There still exists plenty of the "now"s you refer to, that's ongoing & yes complex especially with my competing needs and "now"! That being said, I have mellowed somewhat over 50 years with regards to "now"!! It helps much to have a sense of humour, something my husband is very good at & has taught the children well.. There's hope for me yet, I'm still in the process of barmy! 

Of course all this has taken a toll on our physical health & I have many physical health issues as well to contend with. However, life is a journey and we, I am currently working through each one the best I can. So that I can be the best I possibly can in my circumstances.

Kind regards

Hi Elan

Yes I can see why many become despondent as I did after seeing the psychiatrist who basically dismissed me & simply thought it was an anger management issue & that there would be a 2 year waiting time to see a psychologist for support!! I was was already quite ill by then & even worse afterwards. Undoubtedly I plummeted soon after & yes I felt very much like giving up at the time, all this had a negative impact on me, my husband and my children who were young at the time.

Those days were horrendous & very rocky especially in our marriage despite my husband doing his level best to understand & support me & my complex needs in addition to the stressea of raising an asperger son. I take my hat off to him & love him dearly for sticking by us all. No mean feat as many marriages break up with far less. Few men would deal with what he's had to cope with. He reduced his hours to part time to care for us all, which in itself is stressful through obvious financial constraints as a result. However, home schooling, having my husband's unwavering support, support from subsequent brilliant medical professionals, interpreters & most of all my faith has got is to where we are today. We are a very close knit family as a result & have a very strong marriage having been through so much together. 

We we have learnt through many trials & errors what works best for our aspie son & found those strategies worked for me too. Due to our disabilities relationship between our son & I was fraught at best. However as we all did our best to apply new strategies  find what worked fr all of us, life became much calmer, easier. Now our son & I are very close, also our daughter & I. To say that it's been a very difficult journey for her is an understatement, especially when she was too young to understand.

Our daughter has learnt to support her brother & know when not to wind him up, when to explain things, when to be patience which isn't always easy as she has her own needs. She supports & helps him discreetly while out with peers, most of the time. She has such compassion and understanding for people far beyond her years both as a result of her experiences and the type of person she is. She has grown to be a very fine young lady with wisdom & emotional intelligence far beyond her years.

My husband and has taught our son much about banter, emotional intelligence, social cues, subtleties and the like that asperger & ASD people struggle with, that he's learnt how to compensate & adapt well.in many ways that's a positive thing, the difficulty arises when people don't understand and disbelieve he has difficulties & struggles. Which in turn means they won't cut him as much slack as some one with a broken leg, & will push until he reacts then he's the one that pays the price for days & weeks, months, years & we all do. Does that make any sense?

As parents we have to deal with our son differently as you would a non aspie child, which makes us appear as soft parents not discipling our child when he kicks off. We have had to learn to ignore these negative attitudes & disparaging remarks & continue to do things our way not even sure if it was the right way? Now he's grown into a fine young man compensating & adapting well for the most part, with most non the wiser except for those closest to him unless certain stressful situations arise, then his struggles would become more apparent.

Things are still very challenging & exhausting that doesn't change, but we have learnt to adapt as a family as we went for many years with little or no support & were much isolated! However we now have the right support from professionals which helps a lot. One cannot undetestimate the value these services provide or the devastation & isolation felt without such services in place. We have experienced the reality of both. Thankfully there's been much support from children's services from the outset for the most part since our son's diagnosis at 8 years of age. 

There still exists plenty of the "now"s you refer to, that's ongoing & yes complex especially with my competing needs and "now"! That being said, I have mellowed somewhat over 50 years with regards to "now"!! It helps much to have a sense of humour, something my husband is very good at & has taught the children well.. There's hope for me yet, I'm still in the process of barmy! 

Of course all this has taken a toll on our physical health & I have many physical health issues as well to contend with. However, life is a journey and we, I am currently working through each one the best I can. So that I can be the best I possibly can in my circumstances.

Kind regards