Hi I joined yesterday but I have a friend who has a friend who has Autism and they would like to get to know me. But only way they want know me is speaking to me through my friend has anyone else heard of this as I find it very odd. Can anyone advise does this sound right? But I understand everyone is different.
Hi, in case you are new to learning about Autism; this resource might be useful:
https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/what-is-autism
However, I offer 4 initial points of caution:
1) Autistic people are very much individuals (your Autistic friend of a friend might not be similar to other Autistic people you might have met before),
2) Try to forget most of the portrayals of Autistic people you might have noticed on TV programmes, or movies (we as an Autistic community can struggle to agree on recommending the helpful portrayals of Autism in the media), and
3) The presentation of Autism in girls and women can be subtly different and easily misread / misunderstood - particularly if she might be used to masking in public and social settings.
https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/behaviour/masking
4) Even today, girls and women can experience being later diagnosed as Autistic than many Autistic boys and men. She could have known about, explored and grown into understanding what Autism means to her since early childhood, or a more recent life pressure could have helped unveil the possibility that she might be Autistic and whether she is self-identified, or formally diagnosed as Autistic - the whole experience could still all feel rather new and a bit of a steep learning curve.
One of the more common denominators of how Autistic people may experience environments; is from a sensory perspective: we can find things (which do not bother most people) just all a bit "too much" for our comfort.
It might be polite, demonstrate your Autism awareness and signal your keenness for her to feel welcome in your home and your company, on meeting her at your house: to tactfully acknowledge that you have everything set up how you are accustomed, but if she finds that there is something which could be adjusted slightly - to help her feel more at home - please would she just let you / your friend know.
You could even sensitively ask in advance, via your friend, if there is anything they could think of which might help her feel more at ease.
If there is something "to do" rather than it all feeling too much like a getting-to-know-you interrogation - that could help. Does she have a favourite boardgame, what might be her taste in music (check the volume is OK), would she prefer you all sit outside in a garden or park for a while, is there something of interest nearby so you could all have a short walk (tell her about in advance as an option so she can find out more details if she is interested).
Are there some things or photos related you things which interest you which you could have on hand available to show her (to make it clearer you are happy to share conversations about those areas of your life).
It might be thoughtful, in advance, to help her know what you / your pets and your house / neighbourhood look like too. Just a couple of images to better set the scene. If she is using public transport or driving there by herself - is there anything she would need to know.
The socialising timeline and stamina can sometimes vary between Autistic people and non-Autistic people. It can be considerate to check with Autistic friends / guests if it might be a good time for a drink / snack / break / change of scene.
For example, one of my friends who has known me a while; sometimes will facilitate a break by saying something like: I'll go and put the kettle on, I think I have some new snacks we could try, have you seen my new (plant in the corner of the garden, or whatever), the back door is open, you are welcome to go and have a look if you are interested. My friend is wise and knows a movement break, some brief time to myself discovering something new on my own terms is way more fun for me then trying to conjure up some social smalltalk while hovering in someone elses kitchen like a spare part of humanity!
Here is a 3 minute video with a summary of the key points of understanding more about Autism:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lk4qs8jGN4U
Whether you guest is an Autistic person who happens to benefit from quite a bit support in life, or she may be an Autistic person who seems to need very little in the way of support and reasonable adjustments ...you can pretty much guarantee that, masking or not, she is likely to be trying to rapidly process and identify a lot more information about you / your friend and your environment than her appearance might suggest (and it can be extra tiring). Try your best: not to have her associate meeting you with "exhausting"!
I think it sounds good that your friend will be there too - as a sort of anchor or grounding mechanism so she is more likely to feel you and your home are an enjoyable and manageable safe space.
I have yet to meet a boring Neurodivergent / Autistic person - it will hopefully be a good visit experience for each of you.
Hi, in case you are new to learning about Autism; this resource might be useful:
https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/what-is-autism
However, I offer 4 initial points of caution:
1) Autistic people are very much individuals (your Autistic friend of a friend might not be similar to other Autistic people you might have met before),
2) Try to forget most of the portrayals of Autistic people you might have noticed on TV programmes, or movies (we as an Autistic community can struggle to agree on recommending the helpful portrayals of Autism in the media), and
3) The presentation of Autism in girls and women can be subtly different and easily misread / misunderstood - particularly if she might be used to masking in public and social settings.
https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/behaviour/masking
4) Even today, girls and women can experience being later diagnosed as Autistic than many Autistic boys and men. She could have known about, explored and grown into understanding what Autism means to her since early childhood, or a more recent life pressure could have helped unveil the possibility that she might be Autistic and whether she is self-identified, or formally diagnosed as Autistic - the whole experience could still all feel rather new and a bit of a steep learning curve.
One of the more common denominators of how Autistic people may experience environments; is from a sensory perspective: we can find things (which do not bother most people) just all a bit "too much" for our comfort.
It might be polite, demonstrate your Autism awareness and signal your keenness for her to feel welcome in your home and your company, on meeting her at your house: to tactfully acknowledge that you have everything set up how you are accustomed, but if she finds that there is something which could be adjusted slightly - to help her feel more at home - please would she just let you / your friend know.
You could even sensitively ask in advance, via your friend, if there is anything they could think of which might help her feel more at ease.
If there is something "to do" rather than it all feeling too much like a getting-to-know-you interrogation - that could help. Does she have a favourite boardgame, what might be her taste in music (check the volume is OK), would she prefer you all sit outside in a garden or park for a while, is there something of interest nearby so you could all have a short walk (tell her about in advance as an option so she can find out more details if she is interested).
Are there some things or photos related you things which interest you which you could have on hand available to show her (to make it clearer you are happy to share conversations about those areas of your life).
It might be thoughtful, in advance, to help her know what you / your pets and your house / neighbourhood look like too. Just a couple of images to better set the scene. If she is using public transport or driving there by herself - is there anything she would need to know.
The socialising timeline and stamina can sometimes vary between Autistic people and non-Autistic people. It can be considerate to check with Autistic friends / guests if it might be a good time for a drink / snack / break / change of scene.
For example, one of my friends who has known me a while; sometimes will facilitate a break by saying something like: I'll go and put the kettle on, I think I have some new snacks we could try, have you seen my new (plant in the corner of the garden, or whatever), the back door is open, you are welcome to go and have a look if you are interested. My friend is wise and knows a movement break, some brief time to myself discovering something new on my own terms is way more fun for me then trying to conjure up some social smalltalk while hovering in someone elses kitchen like a spare part of humanity!
Here is a 3 minute video with a summary of the key points of understanding more about Autism:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lk4qs8jGN4U
Whether you guest is an Autistic person who happens to benefit from quite a bit support in life, or she may be an Autistic person who seems to need very little in the way of support and reasonable adjustments ...you can pretty much guarantee that, masking or not, she is likely to be trying to rapidly process and identify a lot more information about you / your friend and your environment than her appearance might suggest (and it can be extra tiring). Try your best: not to have her associate meeting you with "exhausting"!
I think it sounds good that your friend will be there too - as a sort of anchor or grounding mechanism so she is more likely to feel you and your home are an enjoyable and manageable safe space.
I have yet to meet a boring Neurodivergent / Autistic person - it will hopefully be a good visit experience for each of you.
Hi Doormouseatrest_25
We have briefly chatted via video call and showed her around our home showed her to our pets. She wants to go to our local pub which will sit outside if its a nice day we also have the beach but she cannot walk very far. But at the moment im finding it had to go through my friend all the time to speak to her. It would be good if she gave me her mobile number aswell so we can get to each other. But at the moment this is the way she wants it be my friend said.
