Nervous Breakdown led to autism diagnosis.

I studied physics at [removed]. After leaving I messed around being young and foolish for a few years, until the need for pride drove me to take a job as an accountant. Eventually, I saved enough money for a deposit on a flat and moved out of my parents’ house. Six months later I had a nervous breakdown, and my colleagues at work called an ambulance which took me into psychiatric care.


For four weeks I was in hospital. The psychiatrist told me I had severe, long-term depression, coupled with an autistic spectrum disorder. He was not overly concerned with the breakdown, understanding it would pass quickly. However, dealing with depression was far more difficult, while autism is an ongoing challenge. Many autistic people suffer from depression and isolation, and suicide rates are ten times higher than average.


I was released into my parents’ care and informed I classified as disabled. Six months later I returned to work, living in my flat during the week, but returning to my parents’ house at the weekend. My mother and father both made enormous efforts on my behalf during this period, caring for me even though I was in my early thirties.


Two years later, I quit my job, worried that it was exacerbating the risk of another breakdown. I sold my flat and ended up back where I had been over a decade earlier, unemployed and living at home.


With little to do and concerned that I would never be able to fully take part in society, I began to write stories to try and find a way to express myself. I wrote six books that I was never quite happy with, improving my skill and enjoying the process. The seventh book, For I Shall Love A Dragon, was the first I was proud of. More information on my website [Link removed].

Parents
  • Hello, I can relate to that.

    I have been looking for the right phrase for what happened to me in January. Following a similar even in COVID,years of pressure and persistent depression caused a breakdown in January, I thought it was was burnout, although atypical in that my sleep became even more disturbed and averaged 3 hrs a night for weeks. I was an emotional wreck.

    Whatever it's called it led via a counselor and psychologist to seek a diagnosis. 29 years after it was first suggested and I discounted it, much to my regret. I'd had 4 previous depressive episodes.

    It is strange how you can't see it in yourself. It seems obvious with hindsight 

    It explains various issues., inc. career challenges.

    I wanted to do a physics degree, but I felt my maths was probably not good enough. I did something else but dropped out.

  • It is strange how you can't see it in yourself

    I commented something similar during my Autism assessment feedback interview - at which point the Assessor started to look quite interested and seemed to imply that is a feature some Autistic people can experience.

    I think I described my mental health issue, from my outlook, as not having appeared to have so much brewed / gathered / ramped up for me to notice and worry about - but more of a puzzling bolt from the blue leaving me confused about: how did that happen? 

    The assessor explained something like; alexithymia issues of some Autistic people can impede your having access to the range of feelings / emotions or the breadth / depth of those things - to act as the early warning system alerts for you to heed.

    I feel this consideration is something I need to study further - to factor it into my ongoing recovery toolkit - each of: safeguarding mental health, clambering out of Autistic burnout and learning (post-diagnosis) what it might take for me to better thrive as an Autistic adult (in the workplace, engaging with medical settings and navigating family and society relationships).

    Speaking of medical settings: I am shocked / horrified to have just seen on my GP Practice news webpage that (last month) my long-term GP retired.  Nobody had said anything during recent interaction with the Practice.

    Indeed, it wasn't long ago that I received an unexpected text message from the Practice; reminding me who was my GP (a new thing - not seen such a message ever before).  Everyone in the household got the same reminder message - also for the first time. 

    No update since received about who my GP is now that mine has retired.  Quite an unsettling and unresolved change.

    (I suppose; yet another bit of mystery admin required by me - as I like this information to be up to date on my ICE / Health Passport information / notes with any Secondary Care Team supporting my healthcare).

Reply
  • It is strange how you can't see it in yourself

    I commented something similar during my Autism assessment feedback interview - at which point the Assessor started to look quite interested and seemed to imply that is a feature some Autistic people can experience.

    I think I described my mental health issue, from my outlook, as not having appeared to have so much brewed / gathered / ramped up for me to notice and worry about - but more of a puzzling bolt from the blue leaving me confused about: how did that happen? 

    The assessor explained something like; alexithymia issues of some Autistic people can impede your having access to the range of feelings / emotions or the breadth / depth of those things - to act as the early warning system alerts for you to heed.

    I feel this consideration is something I need to study further - to factor it into my ongoing recovery toolkit - each of: safeguarding mental health, clambering out of Autistic burnout and learning (post-diagnosis) what it might take for me to better thrive as an Autistic adult (in the workplace, engaging with medical settings and navigating family and society relationships).

    Speaking of medical settings: I am shocked / horrified to have just seen on my GP Practice news webpage that (last month) my long-term GP retired.  Nobody had said anything during recent interaction with the Practice.

    Indeed, it wasn't long ago that I received an unexpected text message from the Practice; reminding me who was my GP (a new thing - not seen such a message ever before).  Everyone in the household got the same reminder message - also for the first time. 

    No update since received about who my GP is now that mine has retired.  Quite an unsettling and unresolved change.

    (I suppose; yet another bit of mystery admin required by me - as I like this information to be up to date on my ICE / Health Passport information / notes with any Secondary Care Team supporting my healthcare).

Children
  • I don't think I ever see the same GP

    That is a broadly experienced barrier to healthcare consistency affecting many patients these days. 

    I feel it disproportionately impacts neurodivergent people as we are already at a communication and social interaction disadvantage - not to mention the masking issue - how is a new-to-you GP supposed to know what is usual for the patient before them?

    If you are not careful; you just find your 10 minutes mostly consumed by the new-to-you next GP's introduction, education and update - with precious little time to discuss options, decision-making and next action planning.

  • more of a puzzling bolt from the blue

    I thought was ok at Christmas then suddenly collapsed in tears. I guess I suppress it all. What I struggle with is how something can be hugely important and emotional at one point, then next morning is unimportant. Tiredness can influence it, but I am not sure if it allows suppressed ones out or if they are exaggerated or false. So I just use logic and reason to decide what I want. A lot of stuff feels hollow though.

    I used to wonder why I saw things others didn't, I assumed I was smarter than them, although it's odd when you get something simple you can't understand, rather than consider I might be autistic. I just assumed depression and anxiety were normal. 

    I don't think I ever see the same GP. Nobody knows me, maybe that's why I find it so hard to go.