Hi

Hiya Abby, welcome to the community here. I’ve been here for nearly a month now and found it helpful and been able to connect and relate so hope you feel the same too. I also feel I only exist but not living at the moment too, just feel free to talk when you want to x

Hi Abby, I have recently been diagnosed with autism and am new to this community too and am hoping it will help me too. I just thought I’d say hi in reply to your post and that you are not alone. 

Hello.

I have been wondering about living v existing.

I am not sure what it means. I think it means doing more than just the normal routines, so seeking out new experiences, meeting new people, doing fun things.

Breaks from routine, particularly for new and simulating things make good memories and break things up, but are obviously very stressful and scary. They are easier if you have someone to help, even better if they arrange them.

They do require effort. Ive been stuck in a rut for some time, probably since 2018. I have to start doing things again but it is hard and easy to put off. Then I can just work and 'blame' that for stopping me. I can always find reasons not to do something.

What would you like to do? Forget practical issues, whether it is scary etc. just make a wish list. I struggle with this, so I must make more of an effort.

You can then look at your list, pick one and see how could you work towards that . Who could help you.

Hi and welcome to the community! 

Perhaps you could contact your GP for support with your anxiety?

You might also find the advice here helpful - it discusses anxiety in the specific context of autism:

NAS - Anxiety

If you haven't yet had any therapy, you might like to ask your GP to arrange it (it's often recommended after a diagnosis). If you prefer, depending on where you are in the UK, you may instead be able to self refer for talking therapy on the NHS.

Before arranging it, you might find it helpful to borrow or buy this book, which includes discussion of various types of therapy and counselling, together with advice on choosing the right therapist or counsellor - all from an autistic person's viewpoint. Several of us here have found it very helpful:

The Autistic Survival Guide to Therapy

This book also taught me some important principles and enabled me to make some immediate, helpful changes - perhaps you might find it useful, too:

Self-Care for Autistic People: 100+ Ways to Recharge, De-Stress, and Unmask!

Do you find your current routine safe? You enjoy doing the things you do, hobbies, interests etc? If there are things you aren’t happy with make small efforts towards that but if it’s the case which is all too common that you may be judging yourself against others accomplishments or ways of life then that’s the path to self doubt, setting expectations of yourself you aren’t comfortable with and more masking. Be kind to yourself first and foremost, that’s where the real healing begins. Make time to fulfill your needs, be alone, be with family, whatever it is that makes you calm and relaxed. Having the ability to set boundaries not just with others but with yourself goes a long way in a self therapy, just go ahead and do what’s right for you. Me personally that’s playing games on PlayStation or Xbox most of the day if I can, helps me regulate and not overthink things and it’s my interest which I find fulfilling. I’m not out there posting my newest vacation snaps to Dubai or climbing mountains because that’s someone else’s enjoyment not mine.

Welcome Abby, hope you will enjoy the Community here.

I noticed you like drawing - so you might find some of our creative threads of interest (people have shared images of drawings, paintings, digital drawings, things they have made and photos they have enjoyed).

community.autism.org.uk/.../the-new-forum-creative-space

community.autism.org.uk/.../the-photography-thread

The Spectrum Magazine also regularly includes images of artwork.

www.autism.org.uk/.../the-spectrum

There is also an online branch around arts & crafts.

www.autism.org.uk/.../online