Here goes

WolfQueen said:

here i am. I want to learn and understand.

Welcome, WolfQueen. You've got the ideal attitude. The more you learn about Autism, the better you'll feel about it. It becomes an explanation for your whole life, rather than a stigmatising label.

As well as some of the great resources that others have mentioned, and the Advice & Guidance on NAS itself, here are a few of my favourites.

• Reframing Autism (Australian website written by Autistic people; really positive and "neuroaffirming" information)
• Oh, That's Just My Autism (podcast by Melissa Tacia; a journey from pre-diagnosis to ... well ... that would be spoiling it)
• Autistic Not Weird (blog by Chris Bonnello)
• Thinking Person's Guide to Autism (website/blog with lots of contributions from lots of authors)
• AuDHD Flourishing (podcast by Mattia Maurée; lots of different topics covered and always makes me feel good/understood)

There's lots more out there.

I have also said I don’t know who I am in the past. I have spent some time thinking about my childhood and younger adult years. I have had quite a hard time of it. Find joy in small things each day, whether that’s seeing a bird out of your window, or hearing a favourite song on the radio, small steps and don’t be hard on yourself. 

When I was awaiting my diagnosis - as few good books by Dr Luke Beardon and then You-Tube

I've seen some channels mentioned but I like Orion Kelly, Autistic AF, Autism from the Inside, Autistic Not Alien and I'm Autistic, Now What .  Some of these have good info on the assessments and the criteria, others videos are just good for discovering and understanding Autism

Struggling with emotions is fairly common.

While it can come from alexithymia, it can also come from other issues.

There are techniques to help so it may be possible to make it better.

You may also be getting overloaded or overstimulated.

There are some changes you could make that may help.

If you use Youtube, search for "autistic accommodations"

You should get some videos from "mom on the spectrum", "I'm autistic now what" and others.

Click on a few and see if anything might help. They suggest over 100 things.

The small things can add up. The main thing is to get rid of the tightness in your chest and in your stomach, and slow your heart rate. Breathing exercises  can help. Take a deep breath in and breathe out slowly like you are blowing through a straw. Do 5 and see if it helps. If you feel calmer you can wait a few minutes and do it again.

Closing my eyes makes a big difference. Having quiet is very helpful. I struggle with noise.

If you really want to relax, lie on a bed on your back and imagine each part of you getting heavy, your foot, your calf, your leg, then the other one, then your hand and arms, your head and your body. Keep your eyes closed. Breathe slowly.

You may fall asleep. This is good it means you are tired. Rest will help.

Exactly. Thank you so much. Iv always said i dont know who i am. How is feel lost. My motivation to get myself to do things I used to enjoy is lacking very much. Im trying now to find ways to help myself and forcing myself to get back to some arty things I like to do. Unfortunately iv been through a recent hard time with my ex which is not helping at all and it all makes me feel stuck

• Thank you so much for replying. Iv been in and out of mental health care majority of my life. Misdiagnosis a couple of times and finally im here in hopes of correct help this time. I do have learning difficulties and iv always had to have someone with me wherever I would go. I feel irritated a lot of the time as I dont know what feeling is what or why. I would always stress to doctors my mind wont work properly, nothing is staying in...im forgetting everything. Im really clumsy. I dont even know much about life and was always stuck in as it would be my comfort zone but everything felt like it went bad again a few years a go now. I cant get to know people properly and I can always feel this guilt for people. I will be trying to quizzes for sure. Thank you so much

Welcome WolfQueen (I am glad your mental health team suggested to you this community website).

I wondered if you had found this article about Autistic Burnout:

https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/mental-health/autistic-fatigue/autistic-adults

When people are supported by mental health services they often will have heard about journals and journalling. 

However, in an era where most of us are so used to using our smartphone / mobile for everything - people might not have considered the comfort and resourcefulness which may be provided by using a small (pocket-sized) paper memo book.  Something you can literally keep in a pocket or bag with a pen or pencil. 

I use an inexpensive A6 lined memo book - such as you often find for sale in a Post Office / newsagents / office stationery shop / supermarket / The Range, or similar stores. 

I like the paperback ones made by Silverline which say "Memo" on the front cover and you can get them either in red or a choice of soft pastel colours.  I like those 79p memo books as the paper quality is good - so I can successfully use a gel pen..

The physical handling of your memo book can be part of the sense of ownership / control of things you want to remember, things you want to remind yourself you have noticed / experienced, ideas for future research, things you are looking to source, things you want to let someone know (or, a place to doodle when out and about, or just really anything else important to you - so you can capture a note about it as the thought comes to you).

Just as with a larger journal, it can be informative (perhaps every month) to take a moment to look back through your pocket memo book pages of activity - to see how you feel things are going and to acknowledge how much you have done, educated yourself about things and the experiences you have had along the way - to help you judge for yourself: am I on the right track with all by my own efforts, or do I need some more help with something?

When people are first starting to think and learn about Autism and whether it might play a role in how they experience life and the World - it can all seem like a lot of new information.

Maybe, it might be helpful to pick a particular issue / situation which you find makes you anxious / challenged / frustrated / confused / tired - and then think about - if this were related to, or involved with, Autism - what Autism-relevant support hints and tips might there be to experiment with? - (to see if you also get any benefit from those strategies too?).

There is no rush needed, you can gradually layer-in the next new topic (when you feel ready to explore a new subject).

In the meantime, I hope you will enjoy our company here.

Hello 

It seems you are the middle ground, where they have planted the idea in your mind but you aren't sure. You haven't convinced yourself and you haven't met the experts yet for them to tell you. 

Uncertainty can be quite confusing and you don't know what to do for the best. Hopefully you won't need to wait too long. 

In addition to this site, you may also find useful info at embrace-autism.com

Women seem to have been missed for autism as the present slightly differently to men, but this seems to be changing.

Uncertainty also causes stress, which can make sleeping problems worse and tiredness amplifies emotions. I become more prone to looping thoughts and cognitive distortions too, e.g black and white thinking and loss of perspective.

Being stressed and anxious also makes emotions more unstable. Small things seem worse.

Burnouts don't seem the same for everyone. There are 2 free quizzes on embrace autism site related to burnout. It might help to tell. They also have a good ebook, although you need to pay as it is not free.

ABO and CBI

On the embrace-autism.com/autism-tests.com page, scroll down.

There are many tests here too which you can do if you want to try to see for yourself.

The main autism one is the AQ test. The 50 question one is the main screening test, if you have already done it.

Burnout can also come with depression, it does for me. Many things can also affect hormone levels too.

Try to reduce stress, sleep, stay hydrated, reduce caffeine and alcohol and see how you feel. 

I hope things get better for you.

Hi WolfQueen and welcome, it sounds like you are going through a difficult time and many many people here have experienced that. Your post makes me think you are bobbing about not really sure what will help you or how to find that. Spend some time reading other people’s experiences here, especially the titles that you like, and be kind to yourself. There is always something that can be done to help you feel better but you haven’t found it yet.