20-year-old son diagnosed with autism

Sorry about that, thanks for pointing it out.

Hello, we have removed your phone number due to breaches of rule 2 of the online community " No personal information and identifiable content. The Online Community is public, so please do not share personal or identifying details about yourself or anyone else."

Hi Mr_Indeed_Autism I think I added you as a friend you have to click over the person's name to add me.  Aside from all that I'm not bothered, my number is [removed by moderator] I'm on WhatsApp if you message me there we can figure it out.  

Thanks Stuart333!

Thank you. 

Hi again!  Well one thing I failed to mention is we have Italian citizenship too so we've come to Italy every year since Austin was little.  Ah ok on the meeting in person, got it.

There's a way to figure out how to message privately I'll figure that out and let you know.  Great!  I'll get back to you!  

I think you make someone a friend and then you can message privately if they accept.

That was quite a leap, going from the Netherlands to Rome. Did you think he would drop out at all, or were you confident that he’d be ok at uni in another country after finishing high school?

It’s in person, in England  

Tom, surprisingly, said he’d be ok chatting to Austin. I would suggest texting first. I’m not sure how to pass on private details like phone numbers though.

Hi and thanks for the reply!  We moved from the Netherlands before coming to Rome, we were there for 2 years whilst Austin finished high school before that we were in the UK for 10+ years.  Is the local Mind group in person or online?  I'd be interested to know the details on that if it's online.  You can ask Tom, no worries if he doesn't want to talk to Austin one on one, I get it.  Austin likes maps, minecraft, Dr Who, writing and drawing.  Thanks again for writing back!

This sounds very similar to my son, although he does go out sometimes, even if it's just round the corner to get lunch. He's on his laptop playing games a lot which he says helps him. He also went to university away from home, but dropped out after a month.

Do you mind me asking where you moved from, before going to Rome? It sounds like a massive upheaval.

Sure. It's the local Mind group for teens and young adults. He used to love going there but people have moved on and the dynamics are different now. :-(

I'd love to be able to say yes, but I think my son will not go for it. I'll definitely try though. What does Austin like? Tom's into writing and sci-fi.

Thanks for replying too - it's helpful to know there's someone else going through the same thing. 

Our son is going through the exact same thing, though he is not getting out at all, staying in his room 24/7.  He is 19, got his diagnosis about 3 years ago, accepts it, but is starting to think it's not really helping him to even know that he has it, whereas not too long ago he was shouting from the roof tops that he has Autism.  We moved to Rome for him to go to Uni and he has since dropped out, it was all too much for him.  Now we have bought a house and are living in Rome.

What is the social support group that your son attends every week?  I'd be appreciative if you let me know about that.

My son Austin would love a friend to chat with one on one, if your son is up for it.  

Thank you for your story, I completely understand how you feel.

I feel it's a major issue - not for myself, though. I feel it would make his life a bit easier if he at least acknowledged it.

He doesn't say specifically why he dislikes it so much.

I'll try focusing on the symptoms in the meantime though.

Thanks.

Since you put it in a bigger font, I assume you feel him not accepting the diagnosis is a major issue.

What does he think the diagnosis means? He may think it has some stigma or negative connotations, perhaps he really doesn't  want to be different, perhaps he doesn't believe, or can't see that there he has any problems. I'd try to understand his thinking.

What do you think would change if he did accept it?

Are you hoping he would adapt to his circumstances and find better workarounds? But perhaps these could be done anyway by focusing on the symptoms, without giving a name to the overall condition. The end result would be similar.

Thank you so much, Chloe!

Hello Mr_Indeed_Autism 

Thank you for sharing this with the Community. I'm sorry to hear that your son has been struggling with his confidence and low mood.

You may like to have a look at the mental health section of our website which has useful links to information and advice about a range of mental health issues:  www.autism.org.uk/.../mental-health  

The information on this page may be of particular interest: 
  
https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/mental-health/anxiety

https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/mental-health/depression

If you feel that he might need some support with your mental health, you can find advice and information on how to go about seeking help, including links to other resources and details of helplines and listening support services, here: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/mental-health/seeking-help

You may also like to introduce him to our resources on better understanding  and coming to terms with his autism diagnosis: 
https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/diagnosis/post-diagnosis-support 

I hope this helps,

Chloe Mod