I’m new to this forum. I was diagnosed in 2013, at 48, having had the usual history of depression and suspected borderline personality disorder. School days were a living hell, however I scraped enough qualifications to stay employed in one job or another after leaving. The jobs came and went, nothing wrong with the type of work, usually IT support of one form or another, or my work colleagues, who were typically quite a friendly bunch, just me having problems with the daily enforced interaction with people. The social side was a non-starter. I tended to remain on the edge of working-life, blending in as best I could, but never really being more than a co-worker.
I retired around 18 months ago, at 58. A little early. I had intended working on until my early sixties but just couldn’t take the daily loop of working in a job I hated, then trying to get some down-time before starting the next working day. It wasn’t really living, but I endured it. I found that having paid off my mortgage and by stretching my pension to the limit I could just about afford to retire, i.e. exit the loop. I fully understood that I would have to live frugally, but that seemed better than living as I was.
Having retired the pressures of working alongside colleagues, albeit often remotely, disappeared. There was no schedule to run to, no office calls, no video meetings, no e-mails to send or documentation to produce, it all finally stopped. So now I had time to think and as I found unfortunately over-think. Left to our own devices, just what do people on the autistic spectrum do. Take away interacting with people, what are you left with, hobbies, pass-times? I certainly do not miss work, but the change from a working life to a retired one is I feel a bit more dramatic for someone on the spectrum. When so much anxiety and stress is suddenly removed it is quite a shock to the system. It is only now 18 months since retiring that I feel I have de-stressed/slowed to a point where I can start to relate to people. I can talk to people, and listen to them, as myself rather than some vacuous masked character. I am now trying to find something enjoyable to do with my time. It may even be something involving people! Obviously, ideally, quiet, introverted people :-) . Who knows. But I’m looking.
Just wanted to share, by way of an introduction. I’m really not sure how these things work but I thought perhaps someone may have had a similar journey. A life spent stressed out, just working and recovering then finally waking up as a retiree in their sixties.
I’ll post this as is, if it serves as a warning that you can too easily get so obsessed with staying employed that life may just pass you by, then I’m happy.
Paul
