Hello,
I’m here after a huge realisation in recent weeks that I am likely autistic.
This has come at a time of noticing trait’s within my beautiful little girl who has been struggling more and more. (Mostly at home, not being seen in school) Noticing what’s happening has been like a flashback of my own childhood. I’m doing everything I can to support her in ways I never was. Seeing my little girl struggle and wider family class her as ‘“too much” and “just as dramatic as you were” is hard.
Searching what I can around how to best support my daughter has revealed so much more than I could have ever expected. This has all developed at a time when a number of professional and personal stressors, and a lot of change were building to the point I’ve been truly shutting down more and more. I struggle to function and simple tasks almost impossible.
I think I’m seen as gentle, meek, kind, and the ultimate people pleaser. I’m know to be very anxious and I struggle immensely with sudden change. I’m constantly battling inside in the office and at home, usually it’s the overwhelm of sounds, smells, noises, stuff everywhere.
I have seen my GP and asked for a referral for an autism assessment for myself. My partner is not yet willing to discuss our daughter.
I have been implementing some new ways to help try and soothe her in her difficult moments. Removing all words in times of distress has been a huge help. Also giving her clear time cues for when we are changing tasks has been working better.
I just wanted to come on here and introduce myself as I feeling i’m in a very sensitive space at the moment. I’m exhausted from life’s present challenges and pushing in for my beautiful child. Im unable to rest soundly as my mind is in some kind of overdrive. It’s like an old Vhs being played in double speed, I’m replaying so many parts of my life in this new context, and so much makes sense… all the struggles, the joyful parts too, the shutdowns and meltdown, the what I know have been misdiagnoses, the intensity of feeling so deeply, but not truly knowing what it even is I’m feeling.
Apologies for such an overshare of an introduction. It’s an unbearably hot, sleepless night.
I’ve just found myself at what feels like the start of an unexpected journey, after the rug was pulled from under me, and the mask has somehow slipped. I don’t know what lies ahead but I just wanted to reach out in here. There are too many thoughts and feelings to fully know what it is I’m feeling right now. Something I’m certain of is that I feel very alone in all this at this early stage, and just hoped for a supportive space, to free some room in my poor head.
