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Stimming

Springlite

Good morning

I am wondering how I can best support my son with his stimming. He was diagnosed with ASD as a young child. He did very well academically in school and was supported at university. He has a job that he says he enjoys and tightly structures his free time. He chooses to have  very little time that is unplanned. He has some support which he contributes to because he is working.

He has been stimming since he was very young and it appears  more frequent when he is stressed or under pressure and overwhelmed.  My concern is that it is becoming more frequent and more intense.  I worry he may do it at work which may have an impact on how his colleagues interact with him and may judge him harshly.  

He is a wonderful gentle kind and loving person. He seems to get on with people he works with but has no contact with anyone outside of work. He does many activities after work but again does not have contact with anyone outside of the activity.

I am unsure of how to discuss his stimming with him or even if I should as when I have tried he gets very defensive. What can I do which will best support my son without interfering. I love him dearly and just want to do what I can to support him.

Parents

  • Hi and welcome to the community.

    I understand your concerns and, if you don’t mind me saying so, think it’s great that you’re reaching out here in an effort to better understand how to support your son.

    As  has said, working out how best to balance the pros and cons of disclosure vs wanting to be seen as “normal” is a matter for your son to work through.

    But I do feel it’s important that he fully understands the potential downsides of masking in order to achieve the latter, especially in the long run.

    If you were to search this forum, you’d find many examples of people who have suffered (and are still suffering) terribly with autistic fatigue and burnout. His increased stimming could, perhaps, be an early sign of things taking an increasing toll on him. I’m glad to hear that he has some support, so hopefully they are already mindful of the risks of masking, and can help to support him accordingly.

    There’s some guidance here that you - and perhaps also he - might find helpful:

    NAS - Masking

    NAS - Autistic fatigue and burnout

    NAS - Stimming

    NAS - Deciding whether to tell employers you are autistic (I appreciate that he’s already told his manager)

Reply

  • Hi and welcome to the community.

    I understand your concerns and, if you don’t mind me saying so, think it’s great that you’re reaching out here in an effort to better understand how to support your son.

    As  has said, working out how best to balance the pros and cons of disclosure vs wanting to be seen as “normal” is a matter for your son to work through.

    But I do feel it’s important that he fully understands the potential downsides of masking in order to achieve the latter, especially in the long run.

    If you were to search this forum, you’d find many examples of people who have suffered (and are still suffering) terribly with autistic fatigue and burnout. His increased stimming could, perhaps, be an early sign of things taking an increasing toll on him. I’m glad to hear that he has some support, so hopefully they are already mindful of the risks of masking, and can help to support him accordingly.

    There’s some guidance here that you - and perhaps also he - might find helpful:

    NAS - Masking

    NAS - Autistic fatigue and burnout

    NAS - Stimming

    NAS - Deciding whether to tell employers you are autistic (I appreciate that he’s already told his manager)

Children
  • in reply to Bunny

    Thank you for your reply. I appreciate your comments. I will read all the links you suggested, and share them with him. 

    My son and I have a good relationship and I do not want to jeopardise that by interfering in his life. I want to try to undrstand from his point of view  the challenges he faces and how best to  support him if needed.  It is great to hear from people with lived experience, who understand what he is goong through.