Female & late diagnosed AuDHD

Hi. You're the closest in age to me that i've come across in re: late-assessment. I was 66 when i received mine 8 months ago. I'm still finding it difficult to process the news, not least because i'm on my own with no support other than my counsellor, who has been wonderful with me (she herself was assessed only a month ago.) There doesn't seem to be any 'real world' help anymore - no local groups worth mentioning - and my gp surgery was of no use whatsoever. It's just a case of assimilating the revelation as best i can and trying to be a little more forgiving with myself, which, i guess you can understand, isn't so easy after a longish lifetime spent thinking i'm just a mass of neuroses and bad decisions. I'm taking things one day at a time, and hoping (not against hope) that i'll meet someone other than my counsellor - someone for my life - who can help me to find myself and be true to that discovery.

I'm happy knowing I'm ND but wish I hadn't had to waste so much energy trying to fit in with 'normal' (that's a joke in itself) people knowing now that I was never going to. My daughter doesn't have this because she knows she's not typical and neither is anyone she's got around her. It's a much easier ride because they are all aware of what's going on. I struggled in life but the knowledge for me is finally empowering.
Let me know how you get on..

Same age as me. I am also about to find out in the next month or so.

My sister has some issues as do her children. My parents are slightly odd and my grandfather was also somewhat cold. They may all have other issues, I don't think anyone is diagnosed.

I thought I was the normal one, but the psychologists suspect otherwise, and something is up. So I will find out.

I've very quickly gone into a period of grief and anxiety after realising I'm autistic at the very least. Not diagnosed and really sort of don't need to be but doing it anyway. Wish I'd known a lot sooner and that's the bit I'm grieving I think. I'm coming through it and have neurodiverse friends to talk to. How are you feeling now?

• Well actually my grandpa was always known as manic depressive because of his inability to cope. It was more likely to be autism I think. That's 4 generations. My family have always known I'm very different to my sister. I feel blessed to know I have a tribe. It's been lonely! Thanks for your message. Much appreciated!! 

Wow, exciting! Potentially 3 generations of Autism! Remember, even if the screening comes back saying that you are not Autistic, there are many that self-diagnose. If you are confident that you are neurodiverse, then this is your tribe.

Hi

I'm 56 and waiting for my first screening. My mum has just realised that she's autistic. My daughter knows she's autistic and adhd. I'm expecting autism but not sure about adhd. Previous long list of mental health issues and unhealthy coping mechanisms but actually everything can be explained by neurodiversity. So I'm looking forward to finding my tribe.

Hello Lady_J84 and welcome to the community.

You will find late diagnosed people here who have gone through similar experiences.

I was only diagnosed with ASD last year at the age of 63, and like you, I have struggled with enduring depression and anxiety most of my life, but I didn’t feel ‘more autistic’ after diagnosis, just more aware and empowered. I haven’t had an ADHD diagnosis but the online tests show that it is likely I am. I am waiting for the right moment to ask my doctor for an assessment, but the waiting list is over four years. 

Hello Diagnosed with ADHD April 2024 and Autism last week! feel the same as you, alot to process, I am 44, starting the process with my 8 year old, we think she has both too. I've always been misdianosed with severe social anxiety, I cant believe I finally have an answer, feel like I've always been searching.

Hi Lady_J84. Just signed up to the forum today, after my autism diagnosis last week at the age of 49. Now I need to start the process for ADHD (it'd be nice if I could have some help switching off and actually getting some sleep)

I'm hoping to get to know folks, and find out who I actually am!

Sounds like I’m talking to a mirror, lol. My mind would never shut off as a child. I would play with my pens on my desk pretending they were people and I couldn’t focus on math testing if my life depended on it. Once I was put on Adderall it fixed it pretty well, but I still have significant issues with focus/hyperfocus.

Commodore64 said:

My Mum was convinced it was because I drank diet coke

LOL! My mom’s never disclosed where she thinks my Autism/ADHD comes from, since there is no one in the previous generation that is OBVIOUSLY AuDHD, but given her political status and the area we live in she probably currently thinks it’s because I was vaccinated

Yeah! that's the name ADD!, it was around 1989/1990. My Mum was convinced it was because I drank diet coke . We actually lived off of it, because she didn't trust the tap water...Ironic...but that's another story  

I wasn't hyperactive, very active though...and kept having meltdowns and talked excessively, racing thoughts and ideas, over active mind couldn't swich off etc

AuDHDer here, too. It’s actually super common for women to go under the radar for Autism/ADHD. We had to basically claw and scratch our way to getting a diagnosis for our daughter who is very obviously also AuDHD. The school system we were in kept trying to slap on other, less-fitting diagnoses on her.

Are you by chance talking about ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) for what it was called in the past? That’s what I was originally diagnosed with because I didn’t fit the “hyperactivity” part of ADHD. That was back in the late 90’s early 2000’s though, so maybe it was something even more different in the 80’s?

I found out I'm Autistic last year female aged 44 and combined ADHD in the 99th percentile last week.
For some reason the Autism diagnosis didn't affect me too much and I recovered from that surprisingly quick. But the ADHD, that has hit hard. I think because it can be medicated and somewhat assisted.... whereas Autism cant. So any type of medicated intervention in the past may have mitigated or stopped a lot of my negative experience with life etc.

Plus I just feel like everything about me is now a certified conflict, I feel like I shouldn't even bother with anything because anything I start is really just some form of self sabotage.

The results were kind of just dumped on me too, and although I was informed by the assessor in March that I likely have ADHD, she didn't go into great detail. Then a night before me going to a follow up, my detailed results were sent via email. I read them on the morning of my appointment and had to cancel, because as I said... it hit like a ton of bricks. I haven't  been medicated. I have to wait at least another month for that, which is really affecting me.


I'm new here today so sorry if I made this too much about me, I'm still navigating this site. I only found out AuDHD was a thing from the assessor.

One last thing, back in the early 1980s my Mum tried to get me diagnosed for ADHD, it was called something different back then. She was told I couldn't have it and the testing never transpired.
Like you I also had the standard ocd, severe depression, social anxiety labels, that I've noticed is a trend of diagnosis sprinkled on women.

I see you posted this 18 days ago, has anything changed for you since?

I went through this in January and am having a dip in how I am feeling after the inital euphoria.  From my experience, I wish I had sought counselling or therapy right after so I could digest it more and talk about it more.

I think your reaction is quite common - I was diagnosed relatively recently and I’m in my 50s - I feel it’s subtly encouraged me to ‘allow myself’ to be more myself (and that means ‘more autistic’ in my case). This has been positive in many ways, but also has some negative consequences too. Like most things it’s complicated - but I definitely don’t regret getting the diagnosis. 

Hi and welcome to the forum Lady_J84

Hi and welcome to the community

I guess that feeling you describe of 'feeling more Autistic and ADHD than I ever have before' is that validation kicking in. 

Some people need that diagnosis, that final confirmation as the final piece of the jigsaw.   Others here are self-diagnosed, whereas some are awaiting a diagnosis.

I was diagnosed with Aspergers, which isn't current terminology, as you are probably aware, and I know full well I have ADHD to go with it.  I've taken self-administered tests, and to be honest - that's enough for me.  I don't feel I need validation on that one.   I do however have diagnoses for anxiety, depression and complex PTSD - so I feel I've enough to contend with.

The NAS has produced a page entitled 'After Diagnosis' which you may find useful.   

https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/diagnosis/after-diagnosis

In truth though, I find hearing about the experiences of others - and reading parts of their life stories can be exceptionally beneficial too.  There are plenty of people here who have stories to tell that you may find similar to yours.   You can search for some using keywords from the homepage too.  

Welcome to the forum.