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Hi there - not sure I’m in the right place

NAS50645

  1. Hello - I’m not sure if I’m ok being here - if not - someone let me know and I’ll say bye bye and bow out.

I’m here as a mum to a 28 year old lad.   He’s lovely, kind and funny and shy.   Works hard but is lacking one thing - a partner.   He’s never had a girlfriend- and wants one.   But a few years ago he was stung by a financial scam on a dating site so has lost confidence in that.    

my question is ;  do any of you have any good experience with any particular sites he could try?    

we’re in north west, uk.   He’s into comic con and karaoke 

as I said at the beginning - if I’m not meant to be here I’ll bow out - just a mum trying to help her son out 

thanks for taking the time to read my post xx

  • Hi and welcome to the community - all are welcome here.

    I heard that dating sites are used more by men than women, and men click on a higher number of women they'd like to meet than women clicking on men. So for a young man trying to find a girlfriend it's going to be very hard on a dating website and could undermine his confidence.

    In my opinion it's better to meet someone face to face and get to know them a bit first. You could suggest he tries joining a local club that interests him - although he's shy, if it's a place where everyone is doing an activity together they enjoy, there is less pressure to keep talking and conversation can revolve around the interest. Maybe he could go to comic con conventions or karaoke sessions?

    There is also speed dating, where people get the chance to meet face to face and chat before deciding if they want to meet again. If he chose this, he could write down some questions to ask and you could go through them with him and maybe even get him to practice with you beforehand.

    If he really cannot go out and meet people face to face, the only other option I can think of is him joining  forums where others share his interest and maybe he might find someone who enjoys chatting with him online and would like to meet up and see where the friendship goes. The problem with that is they may not live within easy travelling distance. You could also suggest he joins this site to make friends, which might boost his confidence and help him get out and meet people.

    I wish him luck,.

  • Hello NAS50645

    Welcome to the forum. I cannot comment on dating sites but wonder if our pages on Socialising and Relationships may be useful to read. Please find the link here:

    https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/family-life-and-relationships

    Kind regards, 

    Anna Mod

  • You say he doesn’t have a girlfriend. looking in the wider background, what are his freinds like? Are they somewhat odd or  more "normal"? Does he get on with people easily? 

    I ask because going on a dating site to get a serious relationship he needs to be very open and honest. Otherwise he will have a series of short and doomed flings that end up undermining his confidence. For sure he may get lots of sex. That’s not really safe these days.