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Hello

Anonymous234

Hi everyone.

I am recently diagnosed autistic and I am only just grappling with that, following my recent posts. My mum is seriously ill (can't give specific details on this, sorry) and I'm trying to support her the best ways I can. It is taking a toll emotionally on me, as I don't like to see her ill. I have to keep an eye on her from time to time. It worries me all the time.

I am really attentive towards her as much as I can, and checking in on her regularly to make sure she's doing ok. Giving her some space if she needs it. Making her a hot drink, or just spending time with her.

It is really hurting me inside and I'm doing the best I possibly can right now. It breaks me inside and I'm close to tears.

I'm not a carer and I do not gain financially from it either. I do it with good intentions.

Any words of encouragement or uplifting are most welcome to cheer me up. Thank you. Blush

  • Hi Anonymous234,

    Thank you for reaching out, it sounds like a really challenging time for both you and your Mum. I hope you find the online community helpful during this difficult period. 

    If you need additional support for either you or your mum at any stage, it may be worth contacting your GP or your wider healthcare team. 

    I have linked our After diagnosis advice and guidance page in case there is something on there that may be useful. 

    Take care,

    Olivia Mod

  • regarding carers allowance, you do not have to go through CAB, if you are confident enough to join an Internet forum, you have enough IT skills to search for the Application forms on the government website. It is simply a matter of ticking all the boxes correctly.on the Application forms on the government website. It is simply a matter of ticking all the boxes correctly.

    I went through it when I was caring for my wife, although when she went into the care home I obviously lost carers allowance

  • in reply to Sky

    Thank you, this has made me feel comforted so much. Sometimes I have meltdowns and it has an affect on my loved ones. Any suggestions or techniques I could use to better cope with them?

  • hi. you could see if you qualify for Carers Allowance which is what i get for looking after my neurodiverse husband. its just a bit to make things easier. And you could check if you can get Universal Credit. You deserve financial help and support with all you are going through and the fact you have been diagnosed with Autism.

    Defo start with citizens advice and they will clearly lay out all your options.

    Hang in there! Me and my husband wanted to commit suicide not that long ago but we chose to live. we got a dog and a new second hand car. we used to live in a horrible town but did a flat swap and now live by the sea surrounded by other colourful and neurodiverse people!!!

    If we, who felt like cursed failures with no future, can change our life, we all can. Make a moodboard on what you would like your world to look like, what things you can do to make that happen and make your precious time with your mum the best it can be. Dont hypermentalise on the blocks in your way, instead brainstorm other ways you can create a world you would like around you. Take breaks from focusing on all this too. very important! if you can, go somewhere nice together. have a picnic and walk in a nice park, go to a restaurant. if she cant, get a yummy takeaway or watch something fun together.

    Dont let ignorant people or blocks in your way dictate your happiness and take all your focus. Instead let your powerful love for those you care about keep your spirits and strength high to make you more prepared for dealing with the world and all its challenges.

    Best of luck.

  • An in the same position but with my wife of 42 years. She is now in a care home with vascular dementia. The past two years have been a bit rough. 

    Some day we will get "the phone call" we are dreading. At first I was in terror of something happening almost every day. I couldn’t bear to not be close enough to come a running. I have come to realise, it does you no good and is positively harmful from the stress you create for yourself. 

    From experience my only advice is try to learn to live one day at a time. 

    that and use this place…