Never had I considered myself to be autistic, until recently. Now in my mid-50s I had treatment for depression years ago. I've not had an assessment, but I'm wondering if I should at least speak to my GP. I've always felt different and overly-sensitive since childhood and have struggled with relationships – to such an extreme that I gave up entirely on being in a partnership with anyone. I can't bare anyone else disturbing my routines, on the other hand I get desperately lonely too.
When I did therapy years ago (CBT), the conclusion was a disruptive childhood, divorced parents, lots of fighting, obviously this would harm any child. But when I look back now I've realised that my mother may have been autistic herself, unknowingly. It all make sense, that she'd have struggled to raise a child and she's certainly not normal these days.
Anyway, I can definitely relate to some of the signs of autism. I'm more introverted and struggle with social situations, often putting on an act. I get hugely paranoid with strangers and have to keep telling myself other people are just projecting their own fears (which sometimes they are). However, I clearly have a problem, I'm very reclusive these days.
Thanks, for reading and for any further advice.
