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Navigating a recent late diagnosis

AUthenticity

Hello everyone,

Last year at the age of 42 I succumbed to my second severe burnout, which led me to finally look beyond the ill-fitting and incomplete labels of 'introvert', 'INFJ' and 'HSP' and start to accept that autism was the grand unifying theory that made me make sense.

To be honest, I wish I could say that I felt the relief that some report experiencing following a diagnosis. I am still in the early stages of the grieving process, and I am severely struggling to reframe and reorient my life in a way that aligns with this new reality.

There are so many complex reasons why I am finding it so hard. No doubt there is a lot of internalised ableism to de-programme. I also feel like I have spent my whole life levelling up a socially acceptable avatar while neglecting and suppressing myself and my undesirable traits - traits that I that I expected to simply grow out of, or overcome through brute force by changing my circumstances (jobs, partners etc) and therapy to make me 'less sensitive'.

Of course none of these strategies paid off, hence why I am now in a state of burnout and unsure about how to make the transition to a sustainable life post-diagnosis. 

How have other people navigated this turbulent and traumatic time? I don't even know what it's like to be properly unmasked. I don't know how to behave anymore, I'm trapped oscillating between the avatar and a huge question mark.

I have a therapist still, and I have told some close people. But I am not getting the support I need, and I don't think I can plot a course through this on my own without the guidance of people who know what this feels like. It is such a lonely experience, so any advice, guidance or friendship that people can offer would be life changing.

Thank you.

Parents

  • Hiya  

    your history personally familiar

    Reading it I would suggest analysing the "new reality" bit.  For me I'm coming around to realising that it's the same reality - what is different is the way I relate to it and the expectations that I have of myself within it.

    Tricky separating the symptoms of burnout from the experiences of one's own personal autism too and their interaction - might be worth doing a bit of study and self examination on that as part of the process.

    All the best :-)

Reply

  • Hiya  

    your history personally familiar

    Reading it I would suggest analysing the "new reality" bit.  For me I'm coming around to realising that it's the same reality - what is different is the way I relate to it and the expectations that I have of myself within it.

    Tricky separating the symptoms of burnout from the experiences of one's own personal autism too and their interaction - might be worth doing a bit of study and self examination on that as part of the process.

    All the best :-)

Children
  • in reply to Phased

    Hello Phased! Thank you for your thoughtful response.

    I agree with how you've approached the 'new reality' aspect. I do have a tendency to be quite black and white in my thinking, so a more nuanced, integrative way to think about it is definitely in order. More of the old me can and will persist than I sometimes imagine.

    Similarly with your second point - trying to discern what it is really 'me' versus how I'm feeling in my state of burnout is very hard. As i said, I don't want to overcompensate and close off avenues so you're right - some examination into the distinction between the two will be really valuable. 

    Thank you again