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Hi Everyone. A big learning curve for me

Rhyfelwr

I've been married to a wonderful woman since 1994. In February 2025, following the discovery that both of her adult children have ASD, she submitted herself for assessment and was also diagnosed with Autism.

This does not change the way I feel about her and we see the diagnosis as a positive event that allows both of us to understand why she is like she is and how ASD shapes her life.

I cannot claim that our relationship has been plain sailing and we have had some very difficult times but have managed to overcome most of these trials and I feel we are all the stronger for it. That said, understanding ASD may help us to view things in a different light and also assist me to help her.

Thank you. For taking the time to read. Blush

  • Welcome to the forums Rhyfelwr

  • in reply to Martin

    I was about to mention the Beardon books too.  I used to loan their books from the Library, but found them worth purchasing as I like to re-visit them and remind myself of two things:

    1) I am not the first person to experience such things, and

    2) there are pragmatic strategies to explore.

  • Hi and welcome to the forum

  • Hi and welcome to the community.

    For a general introduction to autism, you might find the resources here helpful:

    NAS - What is autism?

    In respect of your relationship with your wife, I recommend this book. It focuses on helping autistic + neurotypical couples to work on their relationships through improved mutual understanding and communication, complete with exercises that you can both complete and discuss, if you wish:

    Loving Someone with Asperger's Syndrome: Understanding and Connecting with your Partner

    Note: the book was written when Asperger's syndrome was still an official diagnostic term, whereas this now simply falls under Autism Spectrum Disorder / Condition (ie autism). 

    Caveat: when moving from discussion of one issue / scenario to the next, the author often switches which of the partners is neurodivergent (him / her), which can make it a little confusing until you've worked out who's who each time. But that inconvenience felt worth the effort to me.

    You might also find this NAS resource helpful:

    NAS - Family relationships - a guide for partners of autistic people

    You might also like to consider couples counselling, ideally with a counsellor who has previous experience of working with neurodivergent people.

  • There is a wealth of information on autism in adults out there. I would recommend the following books: 

    Beardon, L. (2017). Autism in Adults. (2nd). Sheldon Press.

    Beardon, L., & Worton, D. (2017). Love, Partnership, or Singleton on the Autism Spectrum. Jessica Kingsley Publishers.

  • Groovy!

    Do you perhaps think that your wife might benefit from being exposed to her neurokin here?  Rest assured that you are most welcome here too.  Your positivity+realism combo is a great starting place.