What was the straw that broke the camels back?

I had the same today, I cried all the way home from work because it’s stressing me out too much, hated doing that outside but the tears just kept coming, ended up emailing my boss, he called back panicking saying you can’t leave, he’s been very supportive so far. 

Actually the true tipping point was when I was on a walk on a phone call to an autistic friend sobbing and she said 'This isn't coping'

That was the moment I realised I needed to seek more support

We knew from when I was a child that it was possible/probable that I was autistic, but my parents didn't see an advantage to getting me assessed. The tipping point for getting assessed came when I was firmly in a mental health crisis after returning to school after covid after loosing all my coping skills from lack of practice. 

We had accepted I was autistic long before then, the difficult thing to accept was that it was sufficiently disabling to warrant diagnosis. 

Pretty bad when you have to diagnose yourself though, that’s the thing with the so called high functioning autistic people, they have the ability to identify an issue and seek help, seems like most people end up doing the doctors job for them.

I was looking for a cause of all the various symptoms, both physical and psychological that were giving me so much grief and had been for so long, I found they all fit with autism and after a couple of years I sought diagnosis and this has been me ever since.

I’ve read some great books on autism and I got to say I’m gob smacked, I figured if i was autistic I’d know about it? The are some people who barely register on the spectrum but still get a diagnoses, it seems it depends on the professionals personal opinion though. That idea makes no sense, I know some condition have symptoms that cross over and can appear like autism but I’d expect someone to be able to tell the difference, is it just autistic people who can see autism when presented to them?

For me, it happened in steps. It was like putting a jigsaw puzzle together - one that I had no idea what the picture was.

First, the TV documentary I watched on autism with the autistic woman who I felt I was like in some ways gave me the outer pieces to act as a frame.

Then, doing the AQ50 test online and scoring 42 gave me part of the picture (and a big shock)

Finding this community forum and hearing from autistic adults gave me more pieces of the picture.

Then reading a book called "A field guide to Earthlings" which explains how neurotypical brains and autistic brains function differently was a real eureka moment, when I really saw what the picture was.

I’m really pleased you that you’ve managed to get to where you are today, obviously everyone’s had their roller coaster lives but the memories and emotions are a very personal experience, I get the confusion and fear part, I’m really agitated at times because I can’t also understand what autism means for me? I hope that makes sense 

I’ve noticed you around the forum, mysterious type I reckon, says what they mean, means what they say. I’m starting to climb out the pit, I’m feeling empowerment and smarter like the things I shouldn’t say I am saying now. 

For me it was when I started school, started to surface in primary but was especially noticable and affected my daily life during the hell that was secondary school. That led to the ball rolling of me being diagnosed. Before school I was a happy little child, always stuck to my comfort zone and there was very little change. My parents splitting up when I was 13 also proved to be more change than my autistic mind could handle as well.

Horrible ordeal at times but it did lead to me discovering my true self in a way, so really, it wasn't all bad. It was just hard at the time-trying to navigate this life in storm of change, confusion and fear. Things are better now I know about autism, I feel I have better understanding and that's proven to be a big aid to me.

The straw for me, was made of cheese.