Hey, I wanted to know peoples personal stories of their Autism emerging and what caused the sudden on set of the autism awareness within yourselves? I think I split when my mum died and I found her, I couldn’t cope with that and I’ve tried to burry it impossibly.
Of everything I have read, there are two lists of symptoms published by Mind which I find the most helpful in drawing an understanding between PTSD versus cPTSD. This is the list for cPTSD (and it also contains the signpost link to the PTSD page):
The distinction which helps me to distinguish my understanding between PTSD and cPTSD, is by the potential associating of:
"emotional flashbacks" of cPTSD (where people have intense feelings that they originally felt during the original trauma and they might react to events in the present as if they are causing these feelings, without realising that they are having a flashback),
versus
"vivid flashbacks" of PTSD (where people can be feeling like the trauma is happening right now),
- is how I try to think about the difference between the two situations which people may experience.
That last bit, I can relate, I didn’t know why I stuck about, figured if I left I was the problem even though I didn’t feel like I was but self worth being so low, it’s very confusing sometimes. Thank you for sharing with me, that’s very kind of you
It is different for many people.
What I have found is:
low self worth
certain thoughts or situations can press play on a movie of past events and bring all the feelings you had at that time flooding back. It can sounds, smells or locations.
I often find myself disassociating in certain situations.
All I will say is that it can be very debilitating.
Unlike PTSD which is mainly associated with a single traumatic event cPTSD (complex) is a large number of small traumatic events over a long period. So a continual build up of past traumas that are stuck unprocessed.
In my case my childhood and a long-term abusive relationship, which was exasperated by my undiagnosed autism
Right, well I realise by definition that my mum dying probably doesn’t quite fall into that category of the straw that broke the camels back but definitions only exist in our minds and are open to interpretation.
For me it was a throwaway comment from a relation who was diagnosed as ADHD and recognised something in me. I did my research and it made sense as the therapy I had for cPTSD (years of emotional abuse) did not have any effect.
I was referred for NHS but waiting list was so long I decided to go private as at that point I could afford it and it would give me an answer.
If only I knew what a sh*t show would follow it.
I couldn't see if someone else was autistic either-sometimes I think I see it in my mum, but I can't be sure, but I do see some autism in her some times.
That makes perfect sense to me and I think yeah its something we can all relate to at 1 time or another. I'm glad this community exists, its nice to be amongst people who understand. I'm really glad I found this place.
Good news pdaddio ! I am pleased for you both.
My daughter was diagnosed. After her assessment, the therapist debriefed with me explaining their outcome, and she mentioned that there could be a genetic link. This immediately led me to think that the link was me, since it made the most sense. At the time though, I still wasn't exactly sure what autism was other than the typical stereotypes fed to me, but my daughter wasn't anything like that, which confused me a lot. When I researched more for her benefit, I just ended up finding possibilities for myself instead and got sucked into a hole.
I have to admit, at first these discoveries didn't make me happy for me or my daughter. I was worried a lot for her future and how I could have wasted so much of my life thinking I could just learn to be better at social interaction - instead it just seemed like I was given the answer that it was always meant to be impossible. I've changed my attitude a lot now - my daughter seems to be thriving at being herself more, and I understand my place in the world now, more completely than I've ever felt actually.
I had no inkling before my daughter's CBT therapist suggested that she might be autistic. From how my daughter had described me, the therapist thought that I might be autistic as well. I had always considered that I never quite fitted in and had some quite odd reactions to sounds, smells and textures. However, I thought autistic people were like Rain Man, and I was nothing like that.
If everyone were autistic, autism wouldn't exist.
Our society expects people to conform to social norms and to think and feel in a similar way - that's because that behaviour strengthens social bonds in NTs.
Because NTs are the majority, society has been structured by and for them. They can cope with the noise and stresses of modern life and multi task because their brains filter out non important things. Autistic brains don't filter very well, which is why we get overloaded and have sensory issues.
If the majority of the population had autistic brains, autism would be seen as neurotypical and those who we now call neurotypical would have a "disorder".
Everyone is taught social norms as a child. NTs learn them without much difficulty, but autistic people might learn to copy that behaviour but much of it will seem uncomfortable or not quite "them". They will often feel a bit different to other people, but not realise why until they learn exactly how they are different.
I hope that makes sense?
We can see our own autism once we learn what autism is, because we can see inside our own minds, if you get my meaning. But can we determine if others are autistic?
I'm not sure I could reliably predict that someone else was autistic if they were high masking.
Third time lucky, keep trying to respond but it isn’t posting. We had a new software installed a few years back, it was a disaster from the start, nobody asked to fix something not broken. Every issue I’ve raised has been dismissed as not important but these are the most important functions to the job? I’m being disrespected and I won’t have it any longer. My colleagues for the most part are like plants sat in the chair, I’m constantly doing the thinking for them.
I may have missed previous posts of yours on this, but do you know what the stress barriers in your work are? Have you had a meeting with your boss to discuss ways to manage these?
When I was diagnosed at the age of 50 ASC in women was still barely recognised, things have come a long way in the 12 years since then, when I was a child ASC wasn't recognised at all, I think if I were at school now I would have picked for something, learning difficulties at least if not ASC. I don't think it was just about being high functioning, just about my age and gender, I also knew quite a lot of ASC men who were quite resistant to the idea of women being ASC and didn't really believe that we could have the same thing but totally different symptoms, I think some of them thought that women were muscling in on something that was "theirs" and it was some kind of crazy feminist thing.
I wonder how many of us latelings have been diagnosed with cPTSD before or alongside ASC? I have cPTSD, I know the events leading to me having it, but I think ASC definately added to it, really not understanding the motivations of others and because of that all the guilt and blame I was attaching to myself because of it and holding onto and not being surprised when others said similar things just seemed to confirm my general weirdness. After I was diagnosed one of the first people I told was an ex who was always going on at me for being weird and embarassing, he was always telling me I should just stop doing it, it was with great pleasure that I told him I was autistic and really couldn't help it. But I think to many people and NT's in particular are far to worried what other people may be thinking about them, I think that can be as much of a disability as ASC, because it's equally limiting in what can do, or in this case allow yourself to do.
This makes so much sense, I genuinely feel the autistic fight to be SEEN, to be VALIDATED, to have most importantly a definitive concept of yourself is so paramount to people. I’m struggling at work right now, my views on how I think people think about me are borderline delusional and for years I’ve been beating myself up but now I’m starting to realise that actually I’m the best staff member they have,
I think I'd know it was a strong possibility for a long time but it was when I started to find it harder to cope at work that I decided I needed to get a diagnosis if for no other reason than to protect myself.
I feel god awful for people suffering from any type of breakdown or lose of function, its heartbreaking and I wish only more knew how hard that hits people.
