Beginning the road to diagnosis

Hi everyone,

I'm a 39 year old male who is currently going through some private therapy and counselling. For a long time I felt that I may be on the spectrum in some way, and had privately shared this with my partner - but for many different reasons I never looked into this further.

My therapist actually has Asperger's and after a few sessions I decided to bring up some of my concerns and fears. When I mentioned it, he immediately said to me that he had started to question the possibility with me because of our communications. He has encouraged me to begin the process of looking at getting a formal assessment, and potential diagnosis.

I should clarify, my therapist has emphasized he is not able to provide formal diagnosis or conclusions. However I asked him to share with me some of his personal experiences and our similarities are uncanny.i didn't know at the beginning, but he also has a lot of experience helping an autism charity - so while not binding, I sense his advice and suggestions are valid, probably needed and in many ways could be a God send.

I have struggled with a lot of things since I was in primary school, and never really fitted in nor fully been able to make sense of the world.

Over the last few weeks I have been reading a lot about autism, autistic traits (and I seem to tick a lot of boxes - which I think I have known for a long time but never done anything about it) and watched numerous documentaries. It has been very helpful and insightful, but I also feel quite frustrated that I have lived in silence for so long and a bit scared about potentially being diagnosed. I have in many ways always kept a front up around people and never really let people see the real me.

To the point over the last few weeks I have even questioned what really is the real me?

In many ways in private I feel my life has always been a bit of a mess, and I have both anxiety and depression. However I have worked for myself for a number of years (small scale, nothing major) and I am starting to sense that this has allowed me to mask / hide a lot of my internal characteristics from people. Whenever I had regular jobs in the past I always struggled when working with people, always feeling misunderstood, disconnected and things have never been easy - especially when I feel I am not in control of situations...

Initially, when I first (seriously) considered this a few weeks ago I felt a sense of liberation, but when I realised the state of the NHS and how long things could take with that route I have resigned myself to trying to find a private (assessment) solution. But financially it is a bit stressful! I also feel quite frustrated with the world (or my world anyway...).

I think more than anything I am simply looking for a sense of validation about my life experiences to date and hopefully a better understanding of myself and (hopefully) some better coping mechanisms and strategies to improve and simplify my life a bit...

I appreciate I have not been formally diagnosed at this stage, so I hope it's OK to post and share here - if anyone has any thoughts or suggestions I would be grateful to hear from you.

Thanks!

Parents

Alien0n3arth 3 months ago

Hi, welcome to the community! There are more not diagnosed but self realized autistic people, including myself. This forum is our safe space for sharing thoughts experiences and creativity. I wish you find here connections and support
X_Force 3 months ago in reply to Alien0n3arth

Thanks Alien! I struggle with social situations sometimes so hopefully this will be a good community to engage with..

Honestly I'm still quite new to a lot of this, and self realised autistic people is also a fairly new term for me.

Have you ever considered getting a formal diagnosis? Is it because you feel you manage quite well and you question whether a formal diagnosis per say would do or change anything or is there other reasons people would choose to self releate?

Sorry, I hope the questions are not too basic of obvious - and you don't mind me asking?
Alien0n3arth 3 months ago in reply to X_Force

Your questions are good and not obvious. I have a therapy now. I manage relatively well and I’ve changed / managed a lot if severe issues from my past but still struggling. Yes, it’s also something like I question it if I would have gotten the diagnosis right now because I do have a job in fact I’m underemployed but I’m lucky to have a job that does not damage me mentally like previous ones. I identify with autistic experience not because I chose it, but because I have it and absolutely accidentally found out that the description of autism is a description of my life and things started making sense. I don’t know if I pursue the diagnosis or not, I’m gonna discuss it with my therapist who informed me he suspects me autistic, we gonna discuss many things from my past. Then we gonna decide. I’m also concerned that if I get diagnosed I would not get German citizenship, this is very important to me as I’ve been living and working for few years already. Another issue is me lacking a lot of my medical records and being unable to provide a family member input in the diagnostic process. So it’s all complicated. I wish you luck anyway. And I’m happy that I’m here. There is also some fear that if it turns out I’m not so much autistic to get dx, then I would lose my right to be the part of the community where I feel only here I belong and kind of fit. But if I basically could just go and get tested I would do it. Not to prove to my family or anything, just for me to know for sure what is “wrong” with me my whole life and I guess it could maybe help me in the future. Or maybe not idk.
Alien0n3arth 3 months ago in reply to X_Force

Thank you, you can ask your partner. Being on the spectrum would not affect my ability to get the citizenship because well, if I’m on the spectrum, it’s me my whole life. But having the official diagnosis could affect it negatively because of negative stereotypes, bias, maybe the officers would think that I’m gonna go unemployed soon and request financial support etc although I have a history of being employed and being a hardworking employee. I work since I turned 15 because the situation at home was hard, I was absolutely scared and overwhelmed by all this but had to work during holidays to buy myself some clothes and books for school. It’s all complicated but I think I will get more clarity after my next appointment with my therapist, which I’m waiting for quite long time. Btw I’m female ;)
X_Force 3 months ago in reply to Alien0n3arth

Cheers man, thanks for such a detailed reply!

I have been doing therapy since last year, and changed at the end of last year to private session's. It has made the world of difference to me!

Good to hear you are working and not having too much of a headcase with work

Actually since I have started to accept I am probably on the spectrum I have had a major clear out in my life (home and garage!) Everything is much more orderd, simpler and feels a ton better - I think for a long time I wojld avoid certain thkngs because I was constantly in fight or fligjt mode and often ended up feeling like I just needed to collapse at the end of the day.

Still feeling a bit stressed and overwhelmed by some things but this new realisation has definitely provided me with a buffer which is helping me look at things differently...

I'm kind of in a similar boat with family members, I have my partner and brother - but actually since I have started to ask myself questions about me being on the spectrum it has also crossed my mind that he might be too... everyone has a complicated background haha

I'm not a German expert, but I would be surprised if being on the spectrum would affect nationalisation... my partner is an immigration advisor (in the UK) I could ask her for you? Nit sure she would know the German situation off hand, but she may be able to point towards a few websites? Also in the UK we have something called citizens advice bureau - which provides free, independent legal advice... nit sure if any of that actually helps or not - but thought it might be worth sharing.

Reply

X_Force 3 months ago in reply to Alien0n3arth

Cheers man, thanks for such a detailed reply!

I have been doing therapy since last year, and changed at the end of last year to private session's. It has made the world of difference to me!

Good to hear you are working and not having too much of a headcase with work

Actually since I have started to accept I am probably on the spectrum I have had a major clear out in my life (home and garage!) Everything is much more orderd, simpler and feels a ton better - I think for a long time I wojld avoid certain thkngs because I was constantly in fight or fligjt mode and often ended up feeling like I just needed to collapse at the end of the day.

Still feeling a bit stressed and overwhelmed by some things but this new realisation has definitely provided me with a buffer which is helping me look at things differently...

I'm kind of in a similar boat with family members, I have my partner and brother - but actually since I have started to ask myself questions about me being on the spectrum it has also crossed my mind that he might be too... everyone has a complicated background haha

I'm not a German expert, but I would be surprised if being on the spectrum would affect nationalisation... my partner is an immigration advisor (in the UK) I could ask her for you? Nit sure she would know the German situation off hand, but she may be able to point towards a few websites? Also in the UK we have something called citizens advice bureau - which provides free, independent legal advice... nit sure if any of that actually helps or not - but thought it might be worth sharing.

Children

Alien0n3arth 3 months ago in reply to X_Force

Thank you, you can ask your partner. Being on the spectrum would not affect my ability to get the citizenship because well, if I’m on the spectrum, it’s me my whole life. But having the official diagnosis could affect it negatively because of negative stereotypes, bias, maybe the officers would think that I’m gonna go unemployed soon and request financial support etc although I have a history of being employed and being a hardworking employee. I work since I turned 15 because the situation at home was hard, I was absolutely scared and overwhelmed by all this but had to work during holidays to buy myself some clothes and books for school. It’s all complicated but I think I will get more clarity after my next appointment with my therapist, which I’m waiting for quite long time. Btw I’m female ;)