hi all
feels like it's taken me a lifetime to get here because i am quite late to the party here and well into adulthood.
looking back the signs were always there in my childhood, from the self soothing, which i know recognise as stimming, to the obsessive fixation with special interests, to the struggles with social anxiety and the perpetual realisation that something was off, and that i really wasn't like other children. the social aspects in particular have continued into adulthood and i have always struggled to express my emotions verbally out loud and always struggled with friendships and relationships. the workplace has been an absolute minefield.
but then Covid happened a couple of years ago. and let me tell you that was bliss! finally with social distancing i got some respite with personal space and boundaries! and the environment was less overstimulating and stressful in general. the struggle was then returning to the 'normal' world! to make matters worse, i was at the same time diagnosed with a chronic physical illness, that added to my anxiety and hypervigilance even more, and then endless changes at work also amplified that. so, several months ago i had what i now recognise as an autistic shutdown. i kept going through it all, but found myself just spending endless days in bed when i wasn't working. and all this has eventually led me to finally getting a GP appointment and being referred for an assessment. so i am currently awaiting diagnosis.
in the meantime i have been doing plenty of research. reading a fabulous book at the moment called unmasking autism. which is just resonating so much. and watching a lot of stuff online, on film and on TV, where i'm finding myself going 'YES! this is me! so if at the end it turns out that my assessment says i don't have ASD, i'll be incredibly, incredibly surprised!
anyway, that's all i guess. just wanted to say hi. and that i would welcome any advice while i await diagnosis. it feels like i was dropped on planet earth decades ago and the spaceship finally came back to take me home! x
