Good afternoon all.
I'll give a little of my history, as there's no point me just lurking when what I really want is to get some feedback/acceptance/support... won't get that by hiding at the back, so here we go!
I've literally just had an autism diagnosis after a psychiatrist from the NHS "crisis team" decided to ignore my bipolar manic episode and instead told me he thought I was autistic, suffering burnout and then just discharged me back to the GP. Bitter? Me?? Never ;)
The GP I was discharged to did a follow-up call and was so scared at my continued manic episode that she referred me back to mental health. I managed to ride out the manic episode and am now finally in the queue to get a meds review from a psychiatrist who hopefully won't spend half an hour dismissing my symptoms in favour of his pet subject. I have a partner at home who helped ensure not too much damage was done and together we managed to keep me out of hospital - woohoo!
However, that left the autism thing. My private medical covered a diagnosis so I dithered for about a month then decided to go for it. Bingo: I'm autistic (and reluctant points for the crisis team psychiatrist who might be rubbish when it comes to bipolar but had autism spot on). The diagnosis just confirmed something I've suspected for quite a while now (given family history, scores on the AQ50/EQ60 and strongly identifying with many traits). It's something I can certainly get on board with. Probably helpful to have more self-insight and useful for pushing for more workplace adjustments etc.
The trigger for my bipolar episode was stress induced burnout. Stress is a trigger for my bipolar and I've had issues before. I know that every few years I will usually have to manipulate work to give me what I need, or end up on long term sick while my brain sorts things out.
It's a familiar cycle and either I get work to change, or I take time away. My “time away” is simply a matter going into a "cocoon" to allow my brain to fix itself before something "gives". Without work changes, or time off, then something will always "give" - e.g. suicide attempt, self-harm, psychosis, mania etc. The process works - either I re-write my job profile back to where it should be, or I go off long term sick for a few months to recover enough to carry on with the existing mess.
Unfortunately the NHS in it's infinite stupidity has switched to an online triage system that requires a form to be completed telling the doctor what the medical problem is and how they can help - i.e. diagnose yourself and prescribe your own treatment. While drowning in stress and approaching burnout I was unable to cope with this complicated demand and so failed to seek help. This caused a full blown manic episode as my brain's only solution to the problems it faced. It worked and I'm now off work. Well done brain.
It also led to me doing some reading and I think I have Autistic Burnout rather than ordinary Occupational Burnout. I say this because I have significantly increased sensory issues, some speech loss and major executive dysfunction problems. I feel like I've had a brain injury and will need to "re-build from the ground up" before I can get back to work. I did have stress in other areas of life too, but without work to worry about I'm rebuilding.
The problem is that my income protection insurance company really, really want to push me into some kind of therapy. I hate therapy. Having alexithymia makes the "how did that make you feel" approach pointless, having an autistic "different thought pattern" means the CBT approach is harmful - i.e. I do not have a "disorderded/dysfuntional thought pattern" causing problems for them to "fix" - I'm just different.
Actually, work are the ones who are disordered/dysfunctional and that's why 25% of my team have had long term sick due to mental health crises in the last 2-3 years. They are the problem. I am not the problem. I do not need "fixing", or to change myself in response to their unrealistic demands.
My reading leads me to believe recovery from autistic burnout is a slow process where you need to be left alone to be in a safe environment with your own interests - i.e. my "cocoon" where I retreat from life and let my brain heal itself. However, at present it looks like I'll be pushed into unhelpful and unwanted therapy - any idea how to avoid this?
Also - yup, I know a cycle of stress/overwork followed by burnout/psychosis is not healthy, however I need to pay off a mortgage and retire asap. If the pattern stays the same then I'll probably only have to deal with a couple more mental health crises before retirement and I'd rather do that than have to work until I'm nearly 70. I can get work to change, but they always drift back to their old bad habits. Unfortunately I can't put our MD though CBT to cure his disordered thinking.
TL:DR - I need rest, peace and quiet to recover from autistic burnout but my income insurance company are obsessed with trying to “fix” me via active "therapy". How do I get them to stop damaging me and just leave me alone to recover naturally?
