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New here

Katrina

Hi, I am new here and looking for help and support on how to manage my child’s demanding/controlling behaviour. Child is just turning 18 and so feels they are an adult and should be left to make their own decisions. Diagnosis in 2022. They feel I’m controlling them.however they are not aware of how vulnerable they are in the big wide world. The control all became too much for me a couple of months ago I had a bit of a break down from all the pressure (I’m a single parent and most likely on spectrum myself also have a non diagnosed second child) child moved in with dad. The person they couldn’t stand to see or spend anytime with until I had been pushed to my limit now apparently he’s the bees knees! I have stepped back and it has given me time to build my own self esteem and confidence back up and I feel stronger and more able to manage the negative behaviours I’m just not sure how to go at it positively without doing more damage to our relationship. 

many thanks I appreciate this is a lot. 

Parents

  • First of all: Hi! Good to have you here.

    I’m 18 myself so I might not be the best person to give advice here and that’s why this’ll be kept short. Would it be an option for you and them to just let them do their thing? (Genuine question since I don’t know how (self-)destructive their behaviour might be.) Sometimes you have to fall down to learn how far to go without assistance and as long as there’s someone to pick you up afterwards, falling can be a good thing in the long run. Maybe that would loosen up your relationship which would be good for the both of you. In my experience, autistic people often long for safety when feeling unsteady. So being controlling could be a way for your child to cope with the realisation that they’re an adult now. At least, that’s what I’m currently going through and the thought of being a responsible adult make me feel pretty anxious. 
    Hmm… Wasn’t so short after all, was it?

    (Keep in mind: I don’t have children, I’m barely an “adult” myself and I do not have an official diagnosis since I wasn’t able to seek out a diagnostic process yet.)

Reply

  • First of all: Hi! Good to have you here.

    I’m 18 myself so I might not be the best person to give advice here and that’s why this’ll be kept short. Would it be an option for you and them to just let them do their thing? (Genuine question since I don’t know how (self-)destructive their behaviour might be.) Sometimes you have to fall down to learn how far to go without assistance and as long as there’s someone to pick you up afterwards, falling can be a good thing in the long run. Maybe that would loosen up your relationship which would be good for the both of you. In my experience, autistic people often long for safety when feeling unsteady. So being controlling could be a way for your child to cope with the realisation that they’re an adult now. At least, that’s what I’m currently going through and the thought of being a responsible adult make me feel pretty anxious. 
    Hmm… Wasn’t so short after all, was it?

    (Keep in mind: I don’t have children, I’m barely an “adult” myself and I do not have an official diagnosis since I wasn’t able to seek out a diagnostic process yet.)

Children
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