Hello all! I guess the first thing to say here is that receiving my assessment diagnosis last year was both a revelation but also a relief and reawakening for me and in the 18 months since my diagnosis I’ve been doing a lot of reflection on my life since early childhood. My childhood and adolescent years were particularly difficult both for myself and my siblings, just 4 years 3 months between the four of us in age. A father with anger issues and an unhealthy relationship with alcohol made life difficult at home alongside our mother suffering from anxiety and depression which each of us children also experienced in our youth and in our adult lives.
Now that I know what the term ‘masking’ means, I have been able to make some sense of so many challenging situations in my life from childhood through to my recent past. My younger brother, who sadly died a year ago, was I suspect also autistic. At age 11 years he suffered from mental health issues which resulted in him being hospitalised for about nine months at a specialist children’s hospital about 30 miles away from home. My ‘breakdown’ came at age 18 years after being diagnosed with life threatening anorexia nervosa which required hospitalisation for three months. With regards to ‘masking’ I can now acknowledge that I have been masking and suppressing my true self, feelings and needs both in my personal and professional working life, from which I retired 15 years ago. I’ve never been a fan of Christmas, in part because of the stress of living at home in childhood and adolescence and because of my (undiagnosed) autism for all those years, feeling distressed in family gatherings, noisy party atmospheres impacting on my need for routine and emotional stability. I developed a gradual unhealthy relationship with alcohol about 20 years ago, largely to numb the stress I was experiencing with family gatherings including family members staying with us for short periods or visa versa and including Christmas holidays. Thankfully I managed to return to a sober life nearly 3 years ago because my drinking habit was seriously affecting personal life. Apologies for posting such a long story 
